


Because It's You... [Chexton fiction]

by bratskigirl



Category: CHEXTON - Fandom, Chicago Med
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2020-09-23 21:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20347348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bratskigirl/pseuds/bratskigirl
Summary: Ethan and April are no longer friends. They are just people who work together. They’re enemies, then acquaintances, but he’s hoping they can be friends again soon. He has a new girlfriend, but it’s the absence of his old GIRL friend, that has his world so blue. And though He’s moved on, soldering through life, when April starts to move on, his world is upended. Living upside down in a life that’s supposed to be enjoyed to the fullest, is utterly unbearable for Ethan. So he has to find a way to turn his life upright, so that he can have the life he secretly imagined for himself… with the woman he loves AND likes!Hopefully they are both willing to work to find their way back to each other and find a way to STAY together.This will be a canon and non-canon multi-chapter fiction, beginning after episode 4x13 and beyond.





	1. New Friends and Old Haunts

As the water showered down on his head, Ethan hoped that it would wash away his all his troubles. He once again thought he knew EVERYTHING, and now she was gone from his life- possibly forever. He wondered how he could have been so stupid. He knew what type of person she was! She would fight to the death for those she loves, but would never intentionally murder a patient or compromise their well-being just to get back at someone- even him. So why did he act as if she would?

So engulfed in his private rabbit hole, Ethan didn’t notice Vicki’s arm wrapping around him from behind, and hopped away startled. “Well that wasn’t the response I expected, when joining my boyfriend in the shower,” Vicki admitted with a slight smile.

“Sorry. My mind is just, … ugh, thinking.” He stated, trying to feign happiness at her presence.

“Thinking?” she paused attempting to gauge what was happening. She had noticed he was talking in his sleep again and getting up in the middle of the night to run (although he probably thought she didn’t notice), but she couldn’t figure out why. He had lost patients before, but since the day he couldn’t help that Marine, something has been off. “Are you thinking about Corporal Marx again? Ethan you couldn’t save him, but I’m sure he appreciated all you tried to do to help a fellow veteran.”

“Yeah,” he replied with a weak smile and exited the shower.

“You aren’t going to wash my back?” Vicki asked, attempting to be seductive.

“Oh, sorry, got an early department meeting. Rain check?” he answered, quickly pecking her cheek. But not waiting for her response, Ethan turned to go get dressed. He couldn’t look at her anymore without feeling guilty for constantly thinking about April. And though his shoulders were broad, mistreating Vicki would be an added weight he wouldn’t be able to bear. Ethan decided he would just focus on work and give himself some time to get it together... and for April to forgive him.

“Morning Ethan.” As he grabbed his coffee, Ethan turned to see Will behind him.

“Morning, man. How’s the house hunting going?”

“I finally found a place. Yeah,” he paused, “Let me place this order first.” Will unraveled a small piece of paper and turned to the barista. “Let me get a black coffee with 1 sugar and a chai tea latte, almond milk, no water, no foam, extra hot.” Ethan knew that drink… he had ordered it too many times to not know it by heart.

“That’s an interesting drink order?” he commented, as his heart began to beat faster and faster.

“Well, you know Apr…” Will halted his statement as he noticed his friend’s demeanor change. He had never known raised shoulders and quickened breathing as a good sign. “Uh… April was the one to help me find my place, so I promised to get her coffee for a month,” Will explained.

“Really? Well I’m not surprised. She knows everybody. But she probably got the better end of the deal” he chuckled happily, as they strolled into the ER.

“Dr. Halstead! Will!” April jogged over to him excitedly, but stopped abruptly seeing Ethan at his side. “Dr. Choi, good morning,” she greeted coldly and turned toward Will. “Is that my payment, Halstead?” she giggled.

“Yes ma’am!” he saluted with her latte.

“Thank you,” she stated beaming, but as she turned to walk away, she pivoted like a ballerina to again face Will. “Oh, Rico has to leave Friday morning, instead of Monday as he planned, so I’ll have the keys when you’re ready to go in Saturday. Unless you want to start Friday night- your choice.”

Will’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Let’s do Friday night! I want to get in as soon as possible. We can get some food and hang, if you’re game?” he suggested.

“It’s a date Halstead,” April nodded sashaying away enjoying her latte.  
And with a happy pat on Ethan’s shoulder, Will began his new day, while Ethan found himself frozen- haunted by an old love.

Natalie hadn’t noticed how close April and Will had become as of late, until she went to ask the doctor for a consult. When she entered the lounge, laughter bouncing off the walls, she was surprised to find him huddled closely to her friend. “Sorry to interrupt,” Natalie paused observing their symbiotic behavior, “but I was hoping I could get Will to consult on a case. Do you have time?”

“Sure Nat, no problem,” he replied, helping April up from the couch. “I’ll see YOU tonight,” he remarked to his cohort.

“Yep. 8 ok?” April countered.

“Of course. Deep Dish?” 

“Pepperoni only. None of that pineapple crap Halstead!” she shouted, laughing as she exited the room.

Natalie couldn’t explain it, but her co-workers’ playful banter and obvious comfort level made the hairs on the back of her neck raise. Could her ex and friend be hooking up? And though she knew she had no right to ask, Natalie couldn’t help herself. “You two seem awfully close these days,” she inquired.

“Yeah April’s great. So what case did you need me to look at?” Will asked.

Agitated by his minimal response, Natalie changed her mind. “You know what, now that I review the case a little more, I think Ethan will be a better choice,” she stomped away with a huff, leaving Will confused and a little concerned.

A couple of hours later, Ethan gave in to his suspicions. “Natalie, why did you really ask me to consult?” Her request made no sense- it was an obstetrics patient, without any possibility for infectious exposure, and just needed a simple D&C. His input wasn’t required.

Natalie looked like she had been caught. “I just needed an excuse to keep Will away.” She decided to expound in response to Ethan’s confused expression. “I originally wanted he and I to spend some time and work a case together, but once I saw him and April huddled up, I changed my mind.”

He understood completely. Ethan had tried to ignore it, but the emptiness he felt at the start of the day- knowing he lost her, had begun to permeate his very being. Even something as innocuous as a morning coffee was special because it was time they had shared… and now she was sharing with someone else. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I felt that way this morning when he was buying her coffee and they were joking around.”

“Coffee? Really?” she asked surprised.

“Yeah. They seemed really comfortable, but he said it was because she helped him find a place.”

“When did they get so close? I mean she found him a place? What’s that about?” Ethan shrugged at her inquiry, although he was conflicted about her insinuation. “You don’t think they may be… you know, ugh… dating, do you?” Her fear was palpable, and what was more disconcerting was it resonated with the ‘pit’ growing in his stomach.

What if they were dating? What would that mean? Ethan wondered, instantly battling the intimate images that rose in his mind… pit getting bigger.  
“Probably not,” he hesitated, “but they’re ‘hanging out’ tonight, so who knows.” The sound of the pen bouncing forcefully off the counter was a physical expression of Ethan’s anger and fear regarding April and Will. And though Natalie didn’t voice it, it expressed her feelings too.

She gently touched Ethan’s arm, before he walked away. “Well, I guess if we made our way to find new loves, it’s only fair that they do too. Yeah?”

Nodding in agreement, they both knew that was just what they were supposed to say. The truth was their hearts and souls were haunted by their past, even in the midst of having new friends they REALLY liked.  
So what were they supposed to do now?


	2. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April had helped Will take the first step into his future and he in turn helped her take hers… while Natalie and Ethan looked on from afar.

A light bulb went off in April’s brain, when her cousin called to tell her he was moving to Toronto. He wanted to keep his property, but wasn’t sure he could afford to do so, especially with his move. But with some shrewd negotiating, both he and Will ended up with a great deal. Rico could keep his loft and Will finally had his own place. She spun around, taking in Rico’s numerous paintings, having forgotten how talented he was. Canvases of color, abstract shapes, and oversized caricatures permeated his walls, but it was the one in the main room that captured her attention. On a white accent wall, above the fireplace, “The Family Whole” hung. An image of a mother and child seated within the Father’s hand- Mommy, Daddy, and baby makes three. The blends of greys, whites, and touches of green complimented the marble fireplace. It was a breathtaking scene and caused an ache she thought she had buried... a longing for a family of her own. 

The echo of the doorbell immediately plummeted her back to reality. She opened the door with a smile, doing her best to impersonate a game show model. “Welcome home Dr. Halstead,” April greeted cheerfully.

“Thank you,” he answered placing the pizza on the kitchen island. As she gave him the keys, Will stood directly before her. “April, thank you for being my friend. I needed this- a way to start moving forward again.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied, tears budding in her eyes, “glad I could help.” And with a hug and an assertive nod, Will proposed they eat.

Two beers and a deep dish later. April realized she needed to get home. “Ok Will, who’s helping you move in tomorrow? Noah and Kelly will be here to move the art and any furniture you don’t want. I’m sure they’d be willing to help you too.”

“Jay is supposed to help, but that’s all I got. So the extra hands will be helpful.”

“Is 9 good?” she asked.

“That’s good.” 

An idea started to hatch for April. She knew Will was pushing to move forward, but his heart was still attached to Natalie. Maybe she could come up with a way for them to move forward together. “Are you planning to have a house warming, once you’ve settled in?” she asked. 

Will screwed up his face as if he smelled something disgusting. “Planning a house warming is not really in my skill set. It’s probably not for any man, really.”

She chuckled picturing him attempting to plan a menu for a gathering. “Yeah, you’re probably right. But maybe it would be a way for you to invite Natalie… maybe repair some things.” She smiled sheepishly.

“Repair things? I’m not holding my breath. However, it could be a way to let you and Ethan ‘repair’ things too.” April’s mouth dropped open. She had to admit, if she brought up Natalie, it was only fair that he brought up Ethan.

“Well with me and Ethan, there isn’t anything really to repair.”

“Really?” Will asked. “What happened between you two? I mean I know you broke up, but you don’t even seem friendly.”

She took a deep breath. “Ethan accused me of deliberately killing a patient. And before that, mistreating a patient to get back at him for being with Vicki. So, why would I consider him a friend?” she asked, disdain dripping on every word. Will was shocked and obviously hadn’t known what happened.

“I didn’t know. Did he apologize?”

“Yes, but I’m not sure I believe him.” She threw up her hands exacerbated. “I don’t want to talk about him anymore. He’s moved on and its time I did too.” April gathered her things and bid farewell to her friend, finding her heart finally willing to close the old door and move on to the next one... whatever that meant.

As he closed the door, Will captured another moment to consider his life. The doorman had greeted him by name. Yet this wasn’t the Gold Coast or ‘uppity’ blocks of real estate. This was Rogers Park. The neighborhood was known for some of the best lake views and eating in town, but being there now, Will could see it was so much more. It was an area with thriving businesses, multiple ethnicities, and a real sense of community. People greeted each other with smiles and asked after each other’s families; which he overheard walking down the sidewalk returning multiple waves of hello.  
There were fathers playing with children; grandmothers on the balconies; and kids running home from the bodega on the corner. People didn’t just live here, they dwelled here, and shared their lives. No one was a stranger and everyone was a neighbor… a friend… family. And for the first time, since he’d been swept away from his wedding, Will felt at home.

The next morning, while the guys were gone to retrieve Will’s furniture from storage, April decided to bless her friend’s new home with a traditional Brazilian Brunch. She explained each dish represented a life concern- money, health, love, etc- and that it was believed that God granted double portions in those areas, if you have the brunch within the first week in a new home.   
A few hours later, April noticed her heart was a little lighter. She enjoyed watching all four guys inhale the food like a pack of ravenous wolves. It reminded her of the joy she felt at Sunday family dinners with her brother and cousins. 

“Want some help?” Jay asked, bringing her back to reality before sadness seeped into her current happiness. She had caught him staring her several times over brunch, but she dismissed it thinking he was just surprised she was hanging out with Will. 

“Thanks, but you don’t have to,” she answered.

“Well, you cooked, so it’s only fair that I clean.” He gently took the plate from her hand, grazing it ever so slightly, and began to dry never taking his eyes off her. His splash of tiny freckles and boyish grin, were endearing and automatically caused her to smile. She cleaned, he dried and they chatted… bumping shoulders, sweetly leaning into each other… all under the gaze of the others.

“Is Jay dating anyone?” Noah asked.

“Not for a while, at least not seriously. Why?” Will responded.

“Because for the first time in months, my sister’s smile is genuine and it looks like Jay is the reason.”

Will just rubbed his chin with a sly grin. “Interesting. I was thinking the same thing about her,” he paused. “She said she wanted to move on and I know he’s been wanting to too. I guess they’ll take the first steps together.” And the three of them nodded in agreement.

On Monday, Maggie asked Will about the Brunch. She told him April had invited her to come, but she already had plans.  
“It would’ve been great had you been there. You have to see the place- it’s fantastic!”

“I’ve met Rico, so I’m not surprised, but I’m really mad I missed the food!” Maggie grinned. “I love when she cooks!”

“OMG, it was sooo good!” Will swooned. “I’m just hoping I can convince her to do it again soon.” He smiled walking away, not realizing Natalie had overheard everything. She couldn’t believe that Will and April, and even MAGGIE, would be so cavalier about that fact they were cheating on her! Unfortunately, Natalie’s disbelief and anger wasn’t something she could hide, because by the end of the initial intake, April could feel some aggression flowing off her friend. 

“Natalie, is everything ok?”

“It’s fine. Just remember I’m the doctor. I’ll ask for your opinion, if and when I want it.” Natalie snapped. April lifted her chin and strolled to break, as Maggie looked on.

“What was that about Nat? You always said you liked her being engaged and participating. So what changed?” 

Natalie was seething at Maggie’s insinuation, but she couldn’t keep the truth from rolling out of her mouth. “She was talking too much! Trying to advise the patient as if I needed help,” she spat as Maggie rolled her eyes. “Besides, how am I supposed to treat a so-called “friend” who is dating my ex?!” 

Maggie started laughing hysterically. “Natalie, she isn’t dating Will. She cooked brunch for the guys as a blessing for his new place- it’s a Brazilian thing. From what I hear, it’s JAY she’s spending time with… not Will.” And Natalie’s expression turned shameful. She realized how wrong she was about a woman who had always been there for her. 

“So why are you really upset Natalie?” Maggie asked. “Could it be that you’re not quite over ‘Big Red’?” Natalie huffed, turning on her heels and quickly walked out of the building, only to be hit squarely in the face by a cool Chicago wind. She couldn’t explain why she was so upset at the thought of Will with April, but she knew she had to formulate the perfect apology for her friend… or she would forever be in the cold.

The night air had a crisp bite, which caused her to grip his arm a little tighter and lean her body in a little closer. When she whispered her devious bedroom plans into his ear, and the air of her words skipped over his earlobe, Ethan was stunned to find he wasn’t aroused. He smiled at her, acting as if he was enthused at the prospect of having her shortly, but it was the scene in the background that actually quickened his heartbeat. In the distance, swaying in a mod cloth swing dress and knee hi boots, was April. Her mahogany curls were freely whirling in the breeze and her lips were parted in a luscious smile while she was arm and arm… with… Jay Haltstead!

‘When did that happen?’ Ethan wondered. He hadn’t been privy to any new things happening in April’s life; he hadn’t even known she was dating. He shouldn’t have been surprised, considering how beautiful and passionate she was. But Jay?! He hadn’t seen that one coming and it pricked him more than he expected. And the way Jay’s hand skimmed her hip and pulled her closer, Ethan assumed Jay had personally experienced her beauty and passion, causing him to clench Vicki’s hand and slow their pace. 

“Ow Ethan!” she yipped. “Are you ok? Why are you crushing my hand?” Vicki asked trying to follow his line of sight, but the park was empty. Ethan, in an attempt to distract her, pulled her into a forceful kiss.

“Sorry, but an image of you doing what you proposed flashed before my eyes, and I seized. I need to get you home NOW!” he responded with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He was lying, but Vicki believed it, so he took the win.

However, if he had to lie to be with Vicki, Ethan wondered if he really had moved forward. Or was he just moving pieces around on the chess board he called his life.


	3. The Rundown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A man drives his car into a street fair by accident… or was it? April’s interaction with a racist causes Ethan to feel more than he had in a while, as well as gives him a front row view to her and Jay’s relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware the story contains some sensitive racial interactions and racial slurs.

“Ha! I win again.” April cheered. 

“Ugh! Come on!” Jay’s scowl expressed how much he hated losing, but his flirtatious smirk gave the impression he felt he had won as well. “3 out of 5?”

“Sorry hon. It’s getting late and I better be going,” she giggled triumphantly as she got off his couch.

“Ok,” he reluctantly agreed while raising himself to his feet and helping her with her coat, “but you have to tell me how you got so good at playing video games.”

April chuckled. She was competitive by nature. Kelly and Tate would get mad if she beat them. Ethan, on the other hand, didn’t get bent out of shape if he lost- he just worked harder… and many times that extra hard work paid off for both of them (she reminisced coquettishly). Jay seemed to be more like Ethan, which made April wonder… and smile. “Well, Pac-Man is one of my favorites, but I never let an opportunity pass for me to beat my brother in Call of Duty either. So, I guess that’s how I got so good.”

“Hmmm… You’re not like many women I know.” Jay hesitated, feeling guilty. The last woman who impressed him like this was Lindsay, and she had been gone for a couple of years now. And although Upton was cool, she didn’t have Erin’s same sexy-feisty-badass demeanor, but it looked like April did. He wasn’t sure how he had missed it before, but he was definitely going to dig deeper now.  
Trying to find an opening he pulled her body closer to his, but April countered with a kiss on his cheek. Jay looked surprised, and slightly disappointed, wondering if he had misinterpreted the vibe.

“Jay,” she paused dropping her eyes gathering the strength to be honest, “I’ve enjoyed our time together and I want to continue, but I’m hoping we can take it slow.” He waited silently as she continued.   
“You seem like a good man and I’m actually having fun again. But in my past, I’ve jumped too quickly into the romance and sex, that I missed building the friendship.” He still hadn’t said anything, which caused her to prepare for this little excursion in to ‘Funland’ to be over. “Now, I know this may not be what you’re looking for, and I totally understand. So if you want to just be friends, we can do that too and just move on. But if you can respect where I’m coming from, and are willing to take it slow, then I’m willing too. It’s your choice.” She looked at him, searching his eyes to see if she could figure out what he was thinking. 

If he was honest with himself, although he didn’t have a lustful need to get her in bed, Jay enjoyed being around April and always found himself wanting more time with her. So, he decided to do something different too. “Taking it slow is fine with me.” He paused, being sure to look her in the eyes. “I think I’ve been used to just jumping in too and it hasn’t always turned out well. Maybe it’s time I try a different way.” He lifter her off the floor, as he wrapped his arms around her tightly and she nuzzled her head into his neck. 

Feeling the atmosphere change a little, Jay put April down and walked her to her car. “Call me when you get home. I want to know you made it safely.” And with a kiss on the cheek, he closed her door.

“Yes sir,” she responded smiling as she drove away. 

The driver’s body was riddled with metastatic cancer, including his brain; which was why he had a seizure while driving. He had killed several people at the street fair and injured many others. However, after speaking with him, Will and Dr. Charles were slapped with the horrible reality- the racist man had planned to do worse. Flabbergasted by the admission, the two doctors fled the room, failing to see April entering to check on the patient.

“Doesn’t this place employ anyone other than niggers?” he questioned as she recorded his vitals.

April’s eyes rose to her hairline. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” she asked in shock.

Mr. Smith answered with a raised voice. “I asked if anyone besides NIGGERS work here?” 

Fighting back angry tears, April took a deep breath and answered leaving the room. “As far as I know, this hospital employs people from all cultures.”

Hours later, April checked on Mr. Smith again, and what once was just verbal, suddenly became physical. “Ow! Let me go!” April yelled, attempting to free her wrist from his grasp. Dr. Choi had heard April yell in pain, prompting him to discover what was going on- only to find the racist patient manhandling her.

“Hey, keep your hands off her!” Ethan stepped in front of April, forcefully removing Mr. Smith’s hand from her arm. 

“Oh great, now an Oriental. Where are the white people?!” Smith shouted rolling his eyes, just as Dr. Charles stepped into the doorway. “Get this nigger bitch out of my room!” Ethan lunged at the patient before Dr. Charles could diffuse the situation. Seeing his rage, April stood between him and Mr. Smith and raised her hand to his chest.

“Dr. Choi, thank you, but you need to leave the room…NOW. I’m fine.” April looked over at Dr. Charles. “He’s all yours,” she stated while she and Ethan exited the room.

Once they were alone in an empty room, Ethan apologized. “Thanks for doing that. I’m sorry for blowing up. I kinda lost it back there.” He paused trying to gather himself. “Just hearing you yell in pain and him calling you those names…I wanted to hurt him.”

“I understand. I thought I was going to hit him myself when he called you ‘Oriental’.” She paused with a half-hearted smile. “But thanks for caring enough to step in. I really appreciate it,” she said walking away with a gently graze of his hand.

A few more hours passed and Ms. Goodwin gave the all-clear to transfer Smith to the jail ward. However, Will was surprised when Jay showed up instead of Burgess. Detective Jay Halstead rolled into the ED on a mission. “Will?!” 

Immediately turning from his conversation with Choi, he answered. “Yeah. What’s up?”

“Is she Ok? I heard a nurse was hurt by the perp from the fair?” Jay looked a little panicked to Ethan, causing his stomach twist. 

“Well, like I told you earlier, the man was a racist and planned to kill people today.” He hesitated, trying to determine if April’s assault would send him over the edge. “Some time later, Smith yelled was racial slurs and grabbed April’s wrist.” 

“What do you mean, ‘grabbed her wrist’?” Jay was obviously angry.

“Yeah man,” Ethan added. “He was twisting her wrist, and wouldn’t let it go. I heard her cry out, so I went in and removed his hand. However, when he called her the ‘N-word’ again and a ‘bitch’, I almost   
took his head off. She stopped me, though, and then Dr. Charles spoke with the patient.”

Jay was seething with anger. “Is she ok? Is she hurt?”

Will nodded. “She has a sprain, but has insisted to keep working.” His brother started looking around the department and Will knew for whom he was searching. “She’s with a patient. I’m sure she’ll be out shortly.” And as if on cue, she emerged from behind a curtain. Jay rushed to her side, checking her wrist, and pulling her into his chest. Will noticed Ethan’s hand balled into a fist, as Jay comforted the nurse. 

“He’s very worried about her.” Will stated attempting to get Ethan’s attention. 

“Yes, it seems so.” Choi responded in a clipped tone.

“I thought he was going to kill the guy,” Will paused, “almost like you tried to do earlier.” Ethan looked up at his friend like he had been caught with someone else’s gift. 

“I just…uhh… I don’t like men abusing women.” Ethan responded failing to conceal his true feelings.

“If you say so,” Will snickered, but before walking away, he pivoted back. “Choi, I know too well what happens when you wait too late to say what you feel. If you have something to say to her… before they get in too deep, I would advise you do it now!” And with that realization, Dr. Will Halstead stood by, as Mr. Smith was rolled out of the ER, while Jay recited his charges aloud.

“You are being charged with several counts of vehicle homicide; several counts of attempted homicide; aggravated assault; and hate crimes.” Then Jay whispered in Mr. Smith’s ear. “And considering where you’re going, I’m pretty sure your new cellmates are going to just love welcoming you to the block.” 

Jay grabbed April’s non-injured hand, kissed it and then her cheek. “I’ll be back to get you later,” he stopped her before she could protest, “I insist. See you at 7?” 

Giggling, she answered “Better make it 7:30.”

“So be it.” And as he, the officers, and the perp, exited the ED, applause rang out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to comment, as I love the feedback!


	4. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan’s can’t hide his reaction to Jay and April any longer and let’s his mouth run wild; which spars a fight that reveals unknown things and feelings.

Jay had recognized the clipped nature of Choi’s tone. It always seemed to show up when he and April were out together, or if like this time, Jay interrupted their little bubble at work. But today he didn’t have a choice- the rape victim was finally awake and he needed to get a statement. The detective had discussed the medical findings with the doctor, but needed to speak to the victim.

“Is she awake? Can I speak to her now?” Jay asked.

“Yes, but don’t stay too long. We had to sedate her earlier- she was reliving the incident.” Choi answered, walking away quickly.

When he exited the room, after hearing the brutality the victim had endured, Jay needed to see something beautiful and good. He needed to see April. Jay looked around, only to find Ethan and April back in their uninviting secluded bubble. As he approached, April looked up with a smile, and met him halfway.

“Hey,” she began, alarmed by the disquietedness on his face, “are you ok?”

“Yeah, just needed a little light, after all that heavy,” he answered, allowing his arms to swallow her whole and scoop her into his personal space. She hugged him back and as her honey-milk scent wafted over him, Jay was unburdened.

Feeling him sink into their embrace, “Better?” April asked as she gently rubbed his back.

“Yes, definitely.” His smile seemed sincere and she liked being the reason he felt better, but it was the tidal wave of Ethan’s presence that gave her heart texture. She reminded herself to fight it- they both had or were moving on. And then the sound of his voice rang the bell within her, and once again she was in a battle for her life.

“April.” Ethan stated, interrupting their embrace. “April, I need some labs drawn for the patient.” She nodded in understanding, without taking her eyes from Jay; although, the change in her demeanor was not lost on the detective.

“Well I guess we’ll talk later, yeah?” he asked with hope in his voice.

“Yeah, I’ll call you later” she smiled and proceeded into the patient’s room, while Ethan bitterly watched Jay’s departure.

Over the next few hours, April found herself playing a weird game of ping-pong in her mind. She would instinctively think about Ethan, which was worse at present, because they were working together. As a result, she would force herself to think about Jay and how much she was enjoying spending time and getting to know him. And although memories of Ethan would seep into her thoughts of Jay, she would vice grip her heart by remembering he moved on… so she had to as well. However, as one game of ‘love ping-pong’ grew tedious, she didn’t notice she’d been looking off into space until Dr. Choi asked a question.

“Sorry, what did you say? My mind was elsewhere.”

He grunted. “Yeah, I could tell. You know daydreaming about your boyfriend, instead of doing your job is fairly unprofessional. Never mind the earlier make-out session.” His tone was dripping with hostility.

“What?!” April asked following Ethan into the lounge. “What’s your problem Ethan?”

“Nothing. I just expected more from you.”

“More how?” she inquired somewhat puzzled.

“I never expected you to be so desperate that you’d jump in the bed of the 1st man to show you some attention,” he accused, secretly hoping his insinuation was unfounded.

April was confused at first, until it dawned on her that her ex was speaking about Jay. “So wait… you’re allowed to move on, but not me! What a hypocrite!” she shouted. “At least I gave our relationship the respect it deserved, instead of immediately moving onto another one.” Then her anger grew, fueled by remembering Doris’ words. Vicki wasn’t just a new girlfriend- she was the old one. April wondered if Ethan had used her as a temporary replacement while Vicki was deployed. “Then again, maybe our relationship was just a figment of my imaginations, considering how quick you jumped back into it with Vicki!” She spat. “Was I just a body to keep you company or entertain you, while she was gone? It makes sense now, why you’d insinuate I was a whore, because you only used my body… right?”

The word ‘whore’ seemed to slap Ethan’s face. He hadn’t called her a whore, nor insinuated she was, yet that’s what she heard. “April, I never called you a whore!”

“Yes you did! Whatcha think it means when you say a woman desperately jumps into the bed of the 1st man that pays her attention? Does she sound like a bastion of virtue?” April stormed out, not able to take any more of this failed interaction.

Communication had always been difficult for them- she was usually too open and he usually closed off, but not today. Ethan quickly followed April to the roof, intending to be more like her this time.  
“You talk about me with Vicki and using you as a replacement for her, but what about you?!” He shouted. “You used ME to fill the void in your life that Tate and the baby left. I always knew it, but tried to ignore it. And let’s not mention Jay- talk about a replacement man! I mean just a couple of months ago you were kissing me and telling me how much you missed me and now you’re hugged up with Jay Halstead. What am I supposed to think? The truth is I wanted to believe that we had something real, but my gut didn’t trust it. And when I woke up in that hospital bed, and you weren’t there, I realized I was right because you weren’t there… but Vicki was. So I’m not going to feel bad that I’m with someone who wants to be with me!”

April’s eyes began to water. She remembered how helpless she felt the night he fell ill- and to see him with her. “How dare you? You think I wasn’t there? I risked my life to save you!”

Surprised by her assertion, Ethan asked what she meant, but she didn’t answer.

“It’s funny to me how it’s perfectly ok for you to parade this woman around in my face, but let Jay show up and you’re bent out of shape. Amazing… but typical. You always give yourself a break, but can’t do the same for others.”

“I don’t give people breaks?!” Ethan screamed. “You have some nerve. I took my sister in because you honored family, and you left! I tried to mend us by showing you Emily had changed for the better, but you kept putting your walls up. Then when I’m at my most vulnerable… when I needed you the most… you’re nowhere to be found, but Vicki is by my side. What did you expect me to do?”

“I expected you to love me enough to give me time! And stop saying I wasn’t there for you. I was there more than anyone else!” She paused swallowing the tears caught in her throat. “The truth is you LIED! You’re a liar. You told me I could be safe with you; that I could trust you; that I was loved and cared for; that you were willing to love me past my faults… but you didn’t. You lied! And now actually hearing what you really think of me, I can understand why.” Two silent tears trickled down her cheeks, as she turned to walk away.

“Wait, we’re not finished,” he pleaded, grabbing her arm.

“What could you possibly have left to say to an unprofessional, petty, murderous, abandoning, desperate whore like me? Why would you even want to be associated with me? Especially when you have a woman like Vicki- all beautiful and shiny.” Siblings of her previous tears, joined them on the playground of her face. “Goodbye Ethan. I’m done- don’t ever speak to me again.” And with an air of finality, she exited the roof and he assumed his life.

After several minutes reviewing what all had been said, Ethan had one nagging question. What did she mean she risked her life for him? However, as he entered the ED, expecting to probe further, he observed April leaving.  
“Hey Mags, where’s April going?”

Sighing loudly, Maggie responded. “She’s going home to rest, so she can be here to cover the next shift.” He could tell by her tone, Maggie was probably upset with him, but she’d only heard April’s side.

“I know she probably told you we fought, but I still have questions. We’ll get it straight tomorrow and I promise we won’t disturb your ED.”

“Oh I know you won’t, because she’s covering nights for a while… and requested NO shifts with you.” 

His heart dropped. “What?!” he inquired frantically. “We just argued. Why would she do that?’

“Probably because you called her names, hurt her feelings, and think she’d abandon you when you need her most.” Maggie’s accusatory tone couldn’t be overlooked.

“I didn’t call her out her name. I just told her what I observed and have apologized for saying things in anger. But she did abandon me!” He strained, raising his voice, feeling the hurt rise to the surface. “I was dying! And when I woke up, she wasn’t the one there for me- Vicki was!”

“What?! April risked her life for you that night! She fought Goodwin and Will for you, because they were giving the last dose of racemic epi to the man who exposed the ED. Then when no other doses could be found, she ran back into the ED… for you. The ED had been quarantined, so no one was permitted inside, but when your airways almost closed, she ran in to get you some methylprednisolone. She didn’t leave your side before that, nor after she was decontaminated again. And when they told her the poison was cyanide, she almost collapsed at the thought of losing you. She stayed with you while you got your hydroxocobalamin treatments and didn’t let you out of her sight until they moved you to the ICU. And while she helped the other people, she kept checking on you.”

He hadn’t known. What had he done? Now her indignant anger and crushed expression made sense- she had proven her love and he sounded as if he didn’t care… as if it didn’t matter.   
“Mags, I didn’t know. Why didn’t she tell me?!”

“Probably because lately you seem to think the worst of her first.” She hesitated before proceeding, contemplating if she should really say something. “Just so you know. Right before she went to the ICU, she stopped me and told me she was wrong- there was still something between you two. You had protected her by keeping her from being exposed and she risked her life to save you. I could see she was hopeful and excited about what she thought would be a new start for you two. But seeing her face when she returned- I knew something went wrong.” Maggie kept going as she had his undivided attention. “It had only been about 10 minutes, but Vicki’s presence… and your smile at her, broke something in April. And honestly, I’m not sure what that’ll mean for you in the future.” With a gentle pat on his back, Maggie left him to ruminate on this missing file in his and April’s relationship.

Two weeks. It only took two weeks, of being separated from April, for Ethan’s PTSD to flare up. He found himself waking in cold sweats, even with Vicki snuggled beside him, and running in the middle of the night. Vicki, being the dutiful girlfriend, would attempt to bring him peace and be a safe place for him, but her actions didn’t help; he became more distant and distracted. Her presence wasn’t helping him, and when she asked if things had changed, he said not with them, but didn’t expound. However, Vicki knew something HAD changed, because Ethan didn’t seem to care that she started staying at her place most of the week. He just said it made sense because his insomnia was making it hard for her to sleep.

Sleeping for Ethan became more difficult when he had a week on nights, April within arm length, and she not speaking to him. She wouldn’t let him apologize or even small talk. The only words uttered between them were patient related, and only if another nurse wasn’t around to do it. April ensured there was a chasm between them, and she was not planning to build a bridge anytime soon; which made Ethan feel alone and isolated. He had friends at work, and Vicki, but his life felt empty and that was a harsh place for him to occupy. And then out of nowhere, Lt. Phillips called.  
Ethan had been one of the doctors to treat Phillips and his seal team, when they were all serving in Afghanistan. After weeks together, they all became good pals and helped keep each other alive in the midst of combative war zones. However, Choi hadn’t heard from Phillips in a couple of years, but his voicemail was a welcomed change to his current isolation. 

“Phillips! Man it’s good to hear from you. Sorry I missed your call- I didn’t know you were living in Chicago.”

“Yeah, but I’m about to deploy again.” Phillips chuckled. “I’d love to catch up before I ship out. What’s your schedule like?”

“I’m free tomorrow after work. There’s a bar called ‘Molly’s’. How about 7?”

“Affirmative. See you then.” And for the first time in weeks, Ethan smiled, hearing he would have a break from the tedium of his life.

Catching up at Molly’s had been just what Ethan needed; mainly because Phillips reminded him of the need to decompress. Both of them had served in war zones, and both understood why soldiers were allowed time to decompress and recalibrate before shipping back out. “Choi, you need a vacation! Get some distance and let yourself breathe… for real. And when you do, you’ll probably get answers to all the questions cluttering your mind.” Phillips paused as the epiphany blossomed in his mind. “Why don’t you go visit McGarrett?!”

“Steve McGarrett? I haven’t seen him in years- even longer than you.” Ethan answered.

“Well he was here visiting with his job a couple of weeks ago. I’m sure he’d love to see you man- you saved his life!”

“Maybe. But where is he? Why would seeing him help me?” 

“Choi, he lives in Hawaii. Good food, surfing, and sun. What else do you need?” Phillips responded as he proceeded to call Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett. After an hour of reminiscing and thanking Choi for saving his life, Steve invited Ethan to visit. And Ethan agreed, choosing to seize the opportunity to clear his mind and find the answers he sought.  
He told Vicki he needed some space away to clear his mind and get himself together. She asked if it was about April… or her… or work, but he just said it was about him and he needed her to understand. And so he confirmed his visit in Hawaii and put in for his week off.

After six weeks of minimal to no interaction with Ethan, April was ready to admit her part in their dysfunction. She had consulted her closest friends and family about their fight, but none of them sided solely with her. She had to admit his point of view was valid too. And despite her heart being broken, there were things he perceived were her fault. So mustering all the courage she could, April checked the schedule to see when she could make time to speak to him. However, he wasn’t on the schedule- not that week or the next.   
“Hey Maggie. Where’s Dr. Choi?” April had never known him to miss this much work before- she wondered if everything was ok. She missed him- her friend and lover, and although the lover part may be over, she was going to try to make things right with her friend. April had been reminded that no relationship can grow if there is no room for forgiveness; therefore, they would need to forgive each other if they wanted their friendship back. She was willing and she hoped he would be too.

Maggie smiled slightly, seeming to acknowledge April’s concern. “He’s on vacation- visiting an old Navy friend.” April’s eyes dropped sadly, “But he went alone- said he needed time for himself.”   
And at that April smiled with the hope of what the future could hold.


	5. Soldier In Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan and April both needed some time away- she went to another shift and he went to Hawaii. However, whether in Chicago or Hawaii, both of them had to consider whether they were living the life they wanted or the one they were settling for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer, and introduces non-Chicago Med characters; however, it is a transitional chapter and will help set the stage for the chapters coming. So, I hope you can take from it what you will, knowing more is on the way.

As he approached the exit, he observed a young man holding a sign marked “Choi”. The driver, apparently McGarrett’s godson Will, explained Steve and his dad, Grover, were in the middle of a case, but insisted they wait at the office.

“Choi! What’s up brother?” Steve shouted. Ethan rose quickly, extending his hand.

“McGarrett. You look good man.” Ethan paused with a smirk. “Healthier than the last time I saw you,” he continued chuckling lightly and embracing the man.

“Yep. You been waiting long?”

“No. Arrived about 30 minutes ago.”

Nodding Steve made a plan. “Cool. Give me 15 and we’ll get you set up at the hotel. Unless you changed your mind and decided to let me put you up at my place?”   
Dr. Choi had appreciated the gesture. However, knowing the unpredictable nature of his PTSD and him needing to clear his mind, he decided a hotel room would probably be best. “Seriously, I appreciate the offer, but I’ll stay at the hotel. Just need some food and a bed.”

“Copy,” Steve acknowledged and drove Ethan to the Hilton.

Sleep overtook Ethan and for the first time in weeks, it was deep enough to dream. He saw himself crushed by sadness, unable to catch his breath because of the sobs, as he reached for someone walking away from him. But not until he felt Vicki’s arm around his waist holding him back, did Ethan realize it was April leaving his grasp. Her leaving was breaking him down and Vicki’s presence was no solace. She was holding him back from what he ached to have! Waking with a start, Ethan had to wonder if this was what he really felt, or the result of his close friend leaving his life. Feeling anxiety beginning to rise, he decided to surf, hoping the waves would wash away the confusion trying to smother his mind.

Later, he thought a tour on the USS Missouri, would be a great way to spend his third day on the island. He was enjoying his time away. It had been fairly freeing for him- free from expectations or others’ feelings- just him… only concentrating on what he wanted. Honestly, the last time he could remember doing something to make himself happy, was the day he was courageous enough to kiss her. And as their lips became familiar with each other, he opened to life- not locked into the nightmares of war, failures, or inadequacy- but possibilities he never even considered. But that was not his present situation and they were not in that same place. Vicki was a good woman, and great to him. So Ethan didn’t understand what was his problem. He had missed a couple of calls and texts from Vicki, but hadn’t felt the urge to speak with her. Was he just sabotaging his current love with thoughts of his former one? Was he scared that Vicki was the one for him? Was he frightened to take the next step? Or was he really in love with someone else and this was his heart’s way of protesting? Ethan hoped the distance and time alone would help him figure it out.

He agreed to dine at McGarrett’s again tonight, but before he laid down for a nap, he shot off a small text to Vicki. “Arrived safe and doing good. Enjoying the ME time and reconnecting with old friends. Will call before I leave. Speak soon. EC.” Almost immediately, he received several texts in response, but he refused to read them. He considered writing ‘love you’ in his message, but couldn’t make his fingers type the phrase. Why? Was it true? Ethan decided he really didn’t want to know at the moment, so he rested in peace... except for the memory of HER. 

The men had reminisced on old times the previous evening, which then led them to discuss Ethan’s relationship issues; not being able to sleep; and other PTSD symptoms. “So,” Steve hesitated, “do you have someone in your life?” Ethan almost choked on his beer, as his eyes moved eerily in his comrade’s direction. “I’m not trying to get into your business man, but when I found the right woman, my symptoms went away or at least become easier to manage.”

Choi wasn’t sure how to respond, so he decided to just be honest. “Truthfully, I have a good woman, actually a great one- Vicki, but I’m still not able to sleep or open up to her fully.” When he voiced his feelings, he was reminded of a time with someone with whom he could do that. 

Steve smirked at his response. “I didn’t say A woman, I said the RIGHT one.” Steve recounted for Ethan the numerous women he’d dated, yet only when he was with Catherine, did he feel like himself. “She made me feel like nothing was wrong with me, just by how she treated me.” The commander couldn’t help but smile broadly. “She’s the best thing that happened to me.” Although a little envious, tonight Ethan would meet Steve’s “best thing”, and planned to get clues for a successful relationship, so that there could be one in his future.

The woman’s face was in shadow, as he was blinded by the sun when she opened the door. Last night, Steve had mentioned that his girlfriend Catherine’s perspective could be of assistance, especially regarding relationships, because she was a strong woman who loved a strong man. Their spirited spats during dinner, which Ethan was sure was just because they had a guest, made him laugh heartily. The two seemed to have found a way to disagree, but still respect each other; which gave him hope.

As they enjoyed their drinks ocean side, Catherine noticed Ethan’s weird glances. Ethan dropped his head embarrassed. “I apologize. I’m not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. It’s just I’ve never seen two strong-minded, passionate, and opinionated people work so well together in a relationship.” He paused, sighing, “I wasn’t sure it was even possible.”

“Well, we’re partners,” she smiled grabbing Steve’s hand, “but it took time to get to this point.”

“Exactly,” McGarrett agreed. “I told you man, it takes time and making the decision to do it each day.” Catherine looked confused. “Cath, he’s having problems with the women in his life, and he’s trying to figure it out.”

“It’s not like that,” Ethan clarified. “I’m in a committed relationship with a Naval Doctor named Vicki. But I have complicated feelings for my ex- April. I’m not a cheater, but I may be confused.”

“Ok. So, what’s the problem?” Encouraged by McGarrett, Ethan poured out all that had occurred with April- the good and bad; his continued efforts with Vicki; recurrence of his disorder; and the questions plaguing him about his future. By the time he finished recounting the events of each relationship, Catherine and Steve kept glancing at each other with knowing grins.

“What is it?” Ethan voiced desperately.

Steve chuckled. “You’ve got to make a decision.”

“It’s obvious you care for both of them.” Catherine paused as the men hung on her words. “Before we got here, Steve and I had safe relationships. We decided we wanted more than safe. Steve, wasn’t scared to tell me what he thought, even if we disagreed. I could be strong and have an opinion; which sometimes challenged or pushed him. Or I could be vulnerable, not a damsel he needed to fix, but rather a partner he was there for.” She looked at her paramour longingly, with appreciation in her gaze.

Steve tagged in. “I had great women in my life, but I needed a challenge. I wasn’t sure I could depend on them for a safe place to rest. They were good, but didn’t know what I was going through.”

“Exactly! Vicki’s Navy and a doctor, so she understands what I go through.” Ethan explained.

“Does that mean April doesn’t?”

“She’s not a soldier,” he stated emphatically.

Steve chuckled. “Are you sure? From what you’ve said, she’s in the trenches with you- the soldier fighting beside you every day, facing every challenge that comes.” 

“Vicki accepts me as I am. April and I are different and disagree on most things. She says I treat her like she’s less than or stupid, but I don’t. And now we aren’t friends because I made the mistake of trying to protect her! What’s that about?!” 

Catherine’s giggled. “Look, most of us love that our men want to protect us, but we appreciate it more when they acknowledge our capabilities. Overlooking her contributions, even under the guise of protectiveness, can make a woman feel like you think she’s incapable or don’t believe in her; and that can breed a type of hurt that’s difficult to get over.” Steve recounted a time when they went to retrieve a fallen soldier, and he wanted to leave her behind to protect her, but she too was a soldier- a sister in arms. “Unfortunately for you, it sounds like your heart has chosen a woman just like you! She’s strong, passionate, opinionated, protective, and willing to give her life for people she loves.” 

As Choi sighed loudly, Steve gave him something to consider. “A life with Vicki seems like it’d be good and you’d enjoy it. But is it a life you would want to have, considering all you’ve survived? Is it the life you’d want or the one you’d be settling for?” For the next few days, even when he wasn’t with the couple, Ethan couldn’t forget how well they worked together. He wanted that for himself and knowing that it was possible, the doctor vowed to do what he must to get it. 

Ethan decided to call Vicki as the plane boarded. She picked up on the first ring.  
“Hi. The plane is boarding and I’ll be home soon.” His tone was flat and she couldn’t tell what to make of it.

“Ok. When should I pick you up?”

“You don’t, but thanks. It’ll be too late. I’ll get a cab.” Ethan could hear the uneasiness in her voice. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Well, I do want to know if you have plans Friday night?” 

He figured she’d want to discuss his time away soon after his return, but two days later seemed a little soon. “No plans as of now. What’s up?”

Vicki stuttered, but finally made her request known. “Remember I told you about my parents’ European cruise?” Ethan’s grunted in acknowledgement. “Well, they surprised me and will be coming to town on Thursday, before they leave. They asked to meet you. What do you think?”

Steve’s question had been running through his mind since the night he met Catherine. Was it the life he wanted or settled for? Vicki was a good woman and already fit into his life. April was a good woman too, and though he cared deeply for her, Ethan wasn’t sure a life with her was even possible. “I think that should be fine. I’m happy to meet them.” He could hear the smile in her voice.

“Well, since you’ll be jetlagged tonight, I’ll see you on Friday at the hospital.”

“Copy that. I’ll call you when I get home.” He answered hanging up.

Seated and just about to turn off his phone, Ethan noticed he had a voicemail from April. “Ugh, Hey. I hope everything is ok and you’ve enjoyed your time away. I didn’t get a chance to speak with you before you left, but after some time away, I can appreciate you were trying to protect me- even if I didn’t agree with your methods. I believe that you’re sorry, and since you haven’t done so recently, I think we could try to be friends again. If you want.” Three seconds of silence and his heart had stopped. “Be safe. See you soon.” Once again, Steve’s voice reverberated in his mind- the life he wanted or the one he settled for- which would he choose?

April decided she couldn’t wait any longer, but she was grateful she got his voicemail… she wasn’t ready to have a REAL conversation with him yet. She had missed the good doctor and even though she kept busy with her new beau, the absence of her old one did leave a bit of a gap needing to be filled. Just as she hung up, Jay arrived and they left for their mid-week date. Both of them had agreed to make time when they could, because their schedules changed at the drop of the hat. 

“I figured a relaxing night of games and skill at ‘Cues’, would be a way for both of us to let off some steam,” Jay reasoned. He understood the strain their jobs placed on both of them, so he liked finding ways for them to relax together.

“Well, as long as you don’t stress out when I win, I think it should be fine.” April chuckled in response.  
The bar had been a local hang for many years, but only for those who grew up in Chicago; which was why April was not surprised to see Kelly there. His father’s memorial had been a couple of days prior, but Stella had wanted to give him a few hours of levity, so ‘Cues’ it was.

“Kelly,” April started with sympathy in her voice, “how are you doing?” Kelly gave her a weak smile as he hugged his friend. Stella and Jay could see that maybe the friends needed a moment, so they went to get the drinks and reserve the pool tables.

“I’m ok, thanks for asking.” Kelly answered. He sighed as he observed Stella and Jay at the bar. “You know, I got a call from Choi, apologizing for being unable to make the service.” April made every attempt to school her face from showing any emotion, while Kelly continued. “Yeah, he called me before he left town. I wasn’t really surprised, he’s that kind of guy.” April just nodded. “Now, I was surprised when I heard that you and Jay were dating. Although I could see the attraction when we moved Will in, I’m not sure I saw a long term thing.” He paused. “What do you think?” 

Kelly and April had been friends for years and knew each other better than most. However, she was enjoying her time with Jay, despite Kelly’s interpretation. “I think it has the potential to be epic, or whatever we want it to be. Why?”

“Hmm. I don’t see it. When I see you two, I think of us. You know, flirty friends, but friends none the less.”

“Well, just because we aren’t falling all over each other, like some people,” April paused offended, “doesn’t mean we’re just friends. And just because we don’t have massive PDA moments, like others, doesn’t mean we don’t feel those things.”

“Sexton, we cared for each other too. We were curious and had some fun exploring what could’ve been, but in the end we discovered that we were better as friends.” Kelly paused and turned to face his friend squarely. “Look, with my dad dying, I’ve been thinking more about life and trying to live it to the fullest. As my friend, I want that for you too. And honestly, it doesn’t look like you’re doing that with Jay. It looks like you’re settling.” April’s mouth dropped and she revved up to respond, but the firefighter stopped her cold. “I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, but he doesn’t make you happy like I’ve seen you. I know you and the happiest I’ve seen you- even when you were engaged and pregnant, was with Choi. You were joyous, even when you’d be mad at him, and everyone could see the passion between the two of you. But with Jay, I don’t see that, and I’m just saying… as your friend… don’t waste time if it’s not the life you want to live.”

“Kelly, I don’t judge your ‘friendship’ with Stella, so stay out of mine,” she snapped. “I mean, you say you’re worried about living life to the fullest, but in the next breath say you and Stella are just ‘friends’. Yet anyone with eyes can see that you’re in love with her… so are you living your best life? Or are YOU settling?” And with that, April stepped away to help Stella and Jay carry the drinks and appetizers to their tables.

After a few hours, ‘team pool’- where the couples played on teams, was the name of the game. Stella and Kelly, awkward at first, seemed to fall back into a smooth rhythm- flowing in the same direction and at the same rate. Although, the other couple’s verbal banter was a well-tuned symphony, their physical connection seemed out of tune. They were startled when their partner’s body would graze them. When April rubbed the back of Jay’s neck, which Kelly assumed was a gesture to convince him, the detective would tense and step away. When Jay would wrap his arm around her waist, April would ‘jump’ a little in her skin. No matter the situation, they seemed awkward to Kelly and he worried that April would miss out on good things coming in her future.  
“It was so good to see you guys,” Stella stated as she hugged April and Jay goodbye.

“You too,” they answered in unison.

When Kelly embraced April this time, he decided to change his approach. “I know you say that he’s more than a friend, but I didn’t see it tonight. However, it’s your life and your decision. But I do want to make a suggestion. Try the kiss test.” April considered his whispered comment. “Kiss him and see if you feel anything. If you do, then I’m happy for you and go forth and be joyful. But if not, stop wasting time and go get what you want!” Kelly kissed her cheek with thanks, as he released his embrace and exited with Stella.

A late night stroll was something she and Jay enjoyed, while they discussed their day, but tonight Jay had a different topic in mind. “You and Kelly seemed to be talking a lot. Everything ok?”

“Yes, I just wanted to be sure he’s doing ok since his dad died.”

“Oh, I thought it was more than that. You know since you two were huddled up most of the night.” 

April could hear the suspicion in his tone. “Jay,” she paused, “Kelly is in love with Stella and we are just good friends. What’s this all about?”

“Tonight, I didn’t feel like we were a couple. We seemed like fumbling kids, but you seemed perfectly in sync with him. Then it dawned on me that we haven’t even kissed yet. So now I’m wondering how you’re feeling about him… and about me.” Suddenly, Kelly’s suggestion felt like the best way to answer his question. April pulled him into a tight embrace and kissed him ardently. When they parted, they stared at each other and then began laughing.

“Well, I guess I know the answer to one of my questions,” he stated, grinning. 

“Me too,” she agreed. “Jay, I’ve enjoyed spending time with you, but I’m not sure this is a love connection. Are you?”

“Nope. But I am sure we’ll always be friends.” April nodded and hugged Jay, much like she did Kelly.

“Great. Another friend,” she chuckled. “What I need is a man! You and Kelly can’t be the only men in my life. I mean I like having friends, but this is a little redundant.”  
They laughed heartily, as she finally chose to have a life she wanted instead of one for which she settled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not TOTALLY thrilled with how this came out, but I think it still sets the stage for some progression for our favorite couple.


	6. Sparks for a New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a new day- Ethan and April are friends again! However, as their friendship reboots, the other relationships in their lives change and not all for the better. Life then decides to light a fire and the flying sparks bring forth a new beginning… or does it?

Her smiling face was the last thing he expected to see at the start of his day, but like his coffee, it energized him. “Hey,” she started, “How was your trip?”

“It was good. I needed the time away. You know… some ‘me’ time.” He answered. “How was the night shift? Did they vomit on you a lot?” He chuckled, trying to keep things light.

Giggling she nodded. “Yes, they did, but I’m happy to be back on my old shift.” April allowed her statement to settle, waiting to see if his demeanor changed, before she continued. “Did you get my message?” Ethan tensed a little, but decided he would make her speak directly to him, so that he could try to read the things left unsaid.

“Uh, no, sorry. I saw that you called, but not until I had to turn off my phone. And then I didn’t do anything but sleep last night, so. What did you have to say?” Instantly Ethan noticed how she began to wring her hands together as she stumbled over her words, until finally taking a deep breath and letting it rip.

“Well, I wanted to be sure you were ok, because I hadn’t remembered a time when you took that much time off for a vacation. And then,” she hesitated, “I said that I realized after some time passed that you were trying to protect me, even though I didn’t appreciate your accusations or methods. And since you hadn’t accused me recently, I wanted to see how you felt about trying to be friends again.” She stopped fidgeting and dropped her eyes. “That’s what I said.”

Ethan embraced the sweet sincerity he saw in her eyes, when she looked up. “I’d like that. And again I’m sorry.”

“I know. It’s ok now, let’s move on. A group of us are going to the Hideout tonight, if you want to come? Seems like a good way to reboot, right?”

The doctor’s smile fell quickly, as he had other plans. “Sorry, I have plans already.” He knew she could tell it was about Vicki, by his averting gaze. “I’m meeting Vicki’s parents tonight.” And with his admission, he could see April put the walls she had just brought down, back up. 

“That’s a big step,” she paused taking a deep breath. “Well, maybe next time, you can both come.” April turned and walked away, until they heard the cry for help, and both of them ran to the rescue.

She wasn’t answering her phone, so Ethan had to accept the already horrible day, would most likely get worse. It was their first day working together in multiple weeks, but it was like no time had lapsed. Before he could ask, April was handing it to him, answering the question, or helping him put the patient at ease. Unfortunately, a little boy was going to die and they couldn’t do anything about it. Ethan knew April had learned some tips to help combat panic attacks when they were together, but seeing her use them on Gavin, his heart swelled. She had done that for him and helped him rescue someone else. Steve was right. April was the soldier in the trench with him, his partner, and she even gave him advice on meeting Vicki’s parents. His decision was made.

An hour later, Dr. Choi shared his decision with Dr. Glass. She knew part of the reason he went away was to work out his unresolved feelings for April and determine what he felt for her. However, she was unaware that resolving his feelings for April would mean a dissolution of his relationship with her.  
“I asked you over and over, if you still had feelings for her and you said NO!” Vicki shouted as Ethan led her to a remote section of the outdoor courtyard.

“Yes, I did. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?! Sorry?! What are you sorry for Ethan? You sorry you hurt me? Sorry you wasted my time? Sorry you lied? What?” Ethan tried to answer, but her ranting was not complete. “I was there for you. I shared my life with you and all you could do was let me… all the while knowing you wished I had been her. Did you wish I was her when we slept together? Was I just a substitute for what you couldn’t have? Tell me!” Vicki snapped.

“Listen, you were never a substitute. I never wished you were April or that I was with her instead of you. The truth is, I didn’t know how I felt and wasn’t sure I wanted to know. All I know is that when I woke up from almost dying, you were there and I thought for once I would take the good life gave me, instead of over thinking it. And being with you, has been good and I’ve enjoyed it. But tonight, when I really considered what it meant for me to meet your parents, I couldn’t lie to myself or you any longer. You deserved the truth and an opportunity to live your life to the fullest.” Ethan paused stepping closer to her, only to have Vicki step back repulsed. “I AM SORRY. Sorry for wasting your time. Sorry for leading you on. Sorry for everything. I never meant to lie to you, but how could I have told you the truth when I couldn’t admit it to myself?”

She huffed and turned her back to him. “You know what, I hope she makes you happy. However, considering you’re damaged, I’m not sure how long it’ll last.” When she turned to face him, the pain and hate in her eyes spoke volumes. “Whatever the outcome, DO NOT ever think about coming back to me. We’re done… never to be again.”

He reached, but failed to grasp her hand, as she stomped away. “Vicki, I’m so sorry.” Her steps halted as he pled, but she kept walking as if he never said a word.

Maggie noticed that Ethan had been smiling more the last few weeks and she could only assume it was because of April. However, according to her conversations with April, nothing was going on between them. Even though she had broken up with Jay, and working with Ethan sometimes made her heart hurt, not working with him was worse. April knew Ethan was still dating Vicki, but rekindling their friendship seemed to make things easier to manage. Maggie always knew it would only be a matter of time before they’d have to face their true feelings for each other, but now with April trapped under the car, it looked like time had run out.  
“Ethan, we need to move Don now. He’s losing too much blood.”

“No April. It’s not safe.”

“Kelly!” she shouted ignoring Dr. Choi’s answer. “Kelly, we need to move Don now or he’ll die!” Lt. Severide looked up.

“Is that true Dr. Choi?” Ethan scooted closer to Kelly out of April’s earshot. 

“Yes, Kelly, he probably should be moved right now but from what you say about the car, it may fall and cause me to lose Don and possibly April too.” Kelly nodded in understanding. He was friendly with Don, but this was April and even though it shouldn’t matter, it did. “Can you guarantee me that the car won’t fall?”

“Not yet, but we’ll try to hurry it up so that we can give you the best chance to save Don and keep her safe.”

“Thanks Kelly.” When April asked what they had decided and Ethan told her they were waiting, she huffed in frustration, while secretly appreciating that he wanted to make it SAFE for her.

Kelly, Cruz, and the other firefighters, found a way to safely move Don and April from under the car within the next hour; however, with all the blood he had lost, Don’s future was unsure and April was angry. In an attempt to assist further, knowing he probably should have tried moving the patient despite April’s presence, Ethan gave several bags of blood for Don’s surgery. April, on the other hand, decided to remain by Don’s side, as she promised. She observed the surgery and stood by his bed, while she could, just to let him know she was there. When he woke for a few minutes after the surgery, his remark surprised her.  
“You’re still here? Thanks. Please tell Dr. Choi thanks too. I know it was hard to decide what to do. Whatever happened, good or bad, would’ve affected you too.” Don yawned with a grimace, but a shy smile rested on his lips as he began to doze off.

“I’ll be sure to tell him. We’re all happy you’re gonna make it.” She squeezed his hand and as she exited his room, she wondered what she was really angry about. Was it that she felt that Ethan didn’t value her sacrifice or strength? Or was she mad at herself for being happy to know he cared and would do all he could to protect her? April figured it was a little of both.

When Ethan approached her outside Don’s room, a short while later, she was taken aback by his apology. “You were right. My feelings for you did cloud my judgement. Although I’m not sure I would’ve done anything differently, I can’t let my feelings get in the way of me doing my job.” He looked at her earnestly. “It was hard to think about having that car fall on Don, but it was ten times worse thinking about it falling on you.”

“It’s ok Ethan. Don’t be so hard on yourself. If it was you, it would’ve been just as hard. I guess if we’re going to work together, we have to figure out a way to get pass that for the patient’s well-being.” The doctor nodded, knowing she was correct, but before he could respond her phone rang.

“Hey,” she answered sweetly, with a hint of exhaustion. “No, I’m ok and Don’s gonna make it.” The caller said something that evoked a slight smile. “That’s ok, seriously, I’m good. You don’t have to do that. I’m just gonna go home, take a hot shower, and relax.” She chuckled at the caller’s response. “Yes, I will eat! I’m craving some noodles, so I’ll have some and then sleep forever.” April turned around to see Ethan still there looking in on Don. “I’ll speak with you soon. Thanks.” 

Once she hung up, Ethan couldn’t control his mouth. “You had a traumatic day today. You should let your boyfriend take care of you.” April dropped her head to hide her smile.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she paused, “not anymore anyway.” Ethan stepped closer to her.

“You and Jay broke up?” She nodded. “Really? When?”

“Well since you’re being nosy, a few weeks back. Actually it was right before you came back from your vacation.” She couldn’t read his expression and wasn’t sure she was ready to live as the lonely ex-girlfriend again, so she opted to save face. “Have a good night Ethan… and thanks for caring.”

“April?” he called as she began to walk away. “Want to get some dinner? I don’t think my mind will stop racing right now. And I’m starving. Maybe a friendly dinner will help both of us ‘sleep forever’”. He chuckled quietly.

But April wasn’t going to be played with. “What about Vicki? Look, I know we’re friends again, but after today, I don’t think I’m quite ready to be the third wheel with you two.” Ethan caught hold to her hand before she could run away.

“Hey, Vicki won’t be there,” He sighed heavily. “We broke up a while ago. I didn’t even meet the parents.” The shock in April’s eyes almost hid the fear he saw. “Listen, I don’t know what the future holds, but right now we’re friends, and I want to eat dinner with my friend. What do you say?”

She smirked with a clever wink. “I don’t see a problem with having dinner with a friend… as long as I get my noodles.” The pair walked off, once again comfortable in their friendship, but wondering what’s next.

As he grabbed their coffee orders and headed into the ED, Ethan couldn’t help but grin. Over the past couple of months, he and April were spending more time together as friends…now dating. They would play pool, go hiking, running together, and even some dancing (he chuckled as he remembered her surprise that he could salsa). They were having fun, but then Emily showed up and once again her presence put a strain on their relationship. Although they were technically just friends, they spent almost every day together, which honestly made him happy, until Emily and the baby showed up. He could admit he was jealous, and he really wasn’t thrilled with how Emily had chosen to live her life, but for little Vincent (even though his pulling made April cut her hair), he was willing to overlook her dysfunction. However, he was concerned that Emily took advantage of April’s kindness and he wasn’t going to let stand.  
“Morning,” he greeted April as she hung up her coat. “Chai Tea Latte, just as you like.”

“Thank you Ethan,” she responded taking the beverage. “How was your night? Sleep well?”

He just smiled, because lately he’d been sleeping like a baby. “Yep. You?”

She rubbed her eyes, tinted slightly with tiredness. “For a few hours yes, but Vincent was fussy and Emily couldn’t get him to settle down. So I stayed up with him until he did.” As soon as she said it, she was mad at herself. She knew Ethan would get upset about her taking care of the baby and by his tight jaw and squinty eyes, April knew she was correct. “Don’t get mad. I’m happy to help.”

“I know, but it’s not your responsibility. Why do you feel the need to help Emily so much, when you know how much of a mess she is?” He was frustrated and secretly worried, because Emily was the reason why they broke up in the first place.

“Ethan, I’m just helping out a young mother, who happens to be your sister; which means she’s family. And I do everything I can for family, whether it’s a kick in the ass or a hug, but if I can help I’m there.” She smiled as she packed her things away.

“Family?” Ethan looked confused. “You consider her family?”

April’s head popped up alarmed. She didn’t realize that maybe she was reading more into their time together lately. I mean they hadn’t even kissed, except on the cheek, since they started hanging out, and now they were just dating. But when they’re together, it doesn’t feel like dating, it feels like they’re a couple again. “Well,” she hesitated. “Look, no matter our status, you know how much I care for you and that extends to your family. Now Emily hasn’t, and doesn’t, always make the best decisions, but Vincent is innocent. And as you pointed out Em, or Bernie, may not be the best influence. So to answer your question, it’s my responsibility, because it’s yours. And if I can help you,” she smiled as she rubbed his shoulder, “you know I will.” April moved to draw the little boy’s blood while Ethan looked on happily, until the gun shot rang out in the department. 

The gunman was dead, but April couldn’t stop shaking. So much had happened in the last couple of hours and she was finding it hard to catch her breath. Ethan turned toward her, after ensuring the little boy was in good shape, and noticed she was shaking.

“April? Are you ok?” He kept his voice light and steady, wanting to put her at ease, but she didn’t say anything. She just stepped toward the door and kept shaking her head. “April?” he called reaching to grab her arm, but she jerked away in a panic. Ethan put his hands up as in surrender, so that she could see he wasn’t trying to hurt her, and moved into her line of sight. “April look at me,” he asserted. She slowly moved to meet his eyes. “Listen, everyone is ok. You did a great job with the chest tube and line, and he’s ok. Connor was able to save the man who was shot and Earl’s going to be fine. You hear me? Everyone is fine.” 

Tears began to fill her eyes and spill onto her cheeks. “Everyone’s not fine, Ethan. You almost died. How dare you almost die on me again! I can’t take that Ethan… I won’t,” She declared, running away, overwhelmed by what could have been.


	7. Their Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trauma of being held hostage caused April to hide and stop talking to Ethan. He was worried for her, and for the future he hoped they’d have. So he proposed a neutral place to talk things through, hoping she’d agree. They came to their own understanding, but not before they gave into their instincts.

It had been a little over 48 hours and she still wasn’t speaking to him. The hospital mandated a 72 hour leave for all hostages, as well as an evaluation with the hospital psychological team. Ethan had his evaluation the first day, which was not a surprise to Dr. Charles, because Choi was no stranger to PTSD. His time in war made him more accustomed to violent behavior; however, April was not accustomed and her reaction was what bothered Ethan most. 

April wouldn’t answer his calls or texts. He’d been trying to speak with her since she ran out of the hospital, but she seemed to be ignoring him. And although everything in him wanted to ambush her at her apartment, he knew it’d be better to have her ‘let’ him in, instead. She was overwhelmed and having a hard time dealing with what happened, so he needed to be understanding. He dialed her again, praying she would pick up, but when he found her mailbox full, Ethan became worried.  
“Ethan? What’s wrong? You never call me?” Emily asked suspiciously.

“That’s not true, I check on you,” he defended.

“Yeah, but you don’t sound good. What’s up?”

“Em, is April home?”

“Yeah,” she answered. “Have you been the one calling?” Ethan chose to ignore her- he had more important things on his mind. 

“Is she OK? I mean does she seem alright?” 

Emily could hear the concern in his voice and figured she knew what he wanted to hear. “The first day she kind of wept the entire time while she held Vincent. Yesterday she went out for a few hours and when she came back she seemed a little better, not crying, but sad. But she hasn’t come out her room yet this morning.”

He didn’t like the sound of that. “Do me a favor? Will you ask her to meet me at our spot on Promontory Point? I’ll be there at noon if she decides to join me.” He paused, “Let her know… I’ll wait for her as long as she needs.” Emily agreed and Ethan jumped in the shower so that he could be the shoulder she needed…if she decided to come.

The water had been rumbling moderately and creating a slight misty breeze, when he heard someone approach. Dr. Choi turned to see an image one could only call a “vision”. The sun shone down on her from above like a spotlight and her curls were gently blowing around her cheeks, as she strode toward him. Initially, he wasn’t sure if their meeting would be pleasant, as she was an hour late. But when she reached out for his hand with a gentle grin, his heart began to beat again.  
“Hi,” she greeted quietly, as he helped her down the rocks.

“Hi.” He responded. “Thanks for meeting me.”

“Yeah. Sorry for being late. And sorry for not picking up. I had to figure some things out before I could talk to you.” Ethan nodded, trying to be understanding. “But after I spoke with Dr. Charles, I think I can talk to you now.”

Ethan took a deep breath as she sat beside him. “Ok. I’m listening?”

“You know so much happened that day. First, we were taken hostage. Then people were shot and he had a gun at your chest, because you tried to be a hero. Then I had to place a line and chest tube in a little boy, all because you tried to be a hero.” Her voice was agitated. 

“April, I wasn’t trying to be a hero.”

“Yes you were! And if you’d been killed, a little boy could’ve died.”

She was shaking. “But April, he didn’t die, because of you,” he stated emphatically.

“Ethan, if you hadn’t been there to tell me what to do, he could have died. Do you understand that? I was just a pair of hands- nothing more.” She sighed heavily. 

“You were MY hands. And I knew you’d do everything correctly, because you have the skill level to do it. I trust you.” Her surprise surprised him. “You do know I trust you right?”

“I didn’t realize you trusted my skill on things that doctors normally do… Thank you.”

The doctor smiled at her, knowing there had to be more to her MIA behavior. “Was that why you ran away and stopped talking to me?” 

“I ran out because he could’ve killed you and I couldn’t handle the thought of that.” April’s words were rushed and desperate.

“I understand,” he interjected, but she cut him off.

“No you don’t Ethan! I’ve literally almost watched you die in front of my eyes, twice, and both times I couldn’t do anything. I wished it was me instead of you. I could only pray we had enough to get you through.” She took a deep breath. 

“But he didn’t shoot me and we helped the little boy and Earl. We’re fine.” He attempted to console her.

“We are NOT fine!” she got up quickly, jerking away from his touch. “The thought of you dying in front of me devastated me and I can’t handle the way it makes me feel.” The fear and pain in her eyes struck a chord in his heart. “Envisioning you dying shook the very foundation of my soul, and all I could do was cry.” She caught a tear on the verge of falling.

“April, I know it’s overwhelming. And when you care for someone, it affects you on a deeper level. It’s normal.” She just shook her head as if he wasn’t getting it.

“No it’s not normal!” she huffed. “I care for all the people who were in there with us. And you know Maggie and Nat are my girls, but when he had the gun on them, I was still ok. Even though it’d be extremely sad, I know I could handle their deaths. But something inside me shattered at the thought of you dying. I’ve never felt like this before Ethan, and honestly it scares me.”

There it was. He’d always assumed he was the only one head over heels in love, but now he knew that April felt the same. “It’s love April,” he paused as he took her hand in his. “You felt that way because you love me.” He couldn’t help the small grin that crawled over his lips.

“Ethan,” she responded rolling her eyes, “this isn’t the first time I’ve been in love. I loved Kelly and Tate. I know love, but this is something else.”

Choi reduced the distance between them by pulling her into his arms and looked her dead in the eye. “You loved them, yes, but you’re IN LOVE with me. And though you may not want to hear that or even believe it, your heart says otherwise.” Tears started to pool in her eyes, and his too.

She knew he was correct. Dr. Charles had said as much when they met. “I know… and I have been for a while, but that’s what scares me. To love someone like that makes you vulnerable and allows you to be hurt unlike you’ve ever experienced.” Removing herself from his embrace, she stepped a few paces away. “True love, you know the love like my parents have, is unselfish and giving. It always looks to make the other person happy; to ensure they have what they need; you sacrifice yourself for the one you love. And I feel that way for you, but I’m not sure we’re ready for that. Are you?”

The doctor once again stepped into her personal space, and placed her hand over his heart. “April, yes it can be scary to feel that intensely for someone, and truthfully, I’ve never felt like this before either. As a soldier, many times you don’t consider a life outside of war, but I was fortunate. I was granted, by whatever God there is, an opportunity to experience life to its fullest and I fell in love… with you.” April dropped her eyes, not sure if she believed him. “Look at me.” She raised her eyes with expectancy. “Listen, I AM in love with you April Sexton. It’s why when you were under that car I kept trying to take your place- I would’ve rather it have been me. Or when you were shot it took everything for me not to kill that guy. Or when I wanted to protect you from that man with the poison. April I love YOU.” His lips immediately found their way to her mouth. “I love you,” he said again and this time, April kissed him. When they kissed the third time, the guards they used to protect themselves were gone. They trusted each other and their love for one another, setting their passions aflame. 

His eyes popped open and it took him a minute to gain his bearings. He was in his bed, alone, wondering if his time with her had been a dream. Suddenly, he turned toward the door to find his love standing in his t-shirt. Smiling broadly, she sashayed toward the bed, flopping down beside him. Throwing her arms around his neck, April snuggled into his shoulder. Feeling her in his arms was heaven for Ethan. He never wanted to let her go, but he knew if they were going to make it, they needed to talk.  
“April, I think we need to talk before we go any further.” Her shoulders visibly tensed and she released her grip on him. “It’s not bad. I just want to talk to you about somethings I learned in Hawaii.” Ethan proceeded to tell her about his dream and his enlightening conversation with Steve and Catherine. “They’re both passionate and opinionated, but they work well together because they treat each other as partners. Soldiers in love and life, fighting by each other’s side.”

“Ok,” she nodded allowing him to finish.

“I know you weren’t a soldier, but as my friends showed me, you’re the soldier that fights with me. You’re the one I look for to help me overcome any challenge, in the ED and out. I appreciate your opinion and thoughts,” she interrupted with a quiet chuckle, “even if I disagree. But it seems that despite my appreciation of your thoughts, whether work or personal, if we disagree it always leads to problems.” She nodded in agreement. “I want us to be able to express our opinions and feelings freely. And if we disagree, I want to know that no matter the outcome, neither of us is leaving. I need us to be like that. I can’t handle you leaving again.”

“You know I never thought you valued my opinions before or cared to ask me for my perspective. I always felt like because I was only a nurse, you didn’t see me as an equal, but rather a hired hand. It hurt my feelings that you didn’t trust me.” She marveled at how open both of them were being at that moment.

“I do trust you and your perspective. However, you have to remember that in the end I am accountable for what happens on the case, so I have to go with what I think is best.”

“You’re right, and I understand that. But the way you would talk to me seemed like I was beneath you. So if you can work on that, I think we’ll be good at work.” She paused rubbing his face. “Remember I’m your partner and respect that… and I’ll work on not taking your differing opinion as a personal attack. Deal?”

“Agreed. Now, how do we handle the personal stuff?”

“Well, I think maybe we should slow down some.” He looked perplexed. “I mean, today was,” she reminisced with her eyes rolling back in her head, “unbelievable. And I’m so glad we told each other how we really feel. But, despite that, I think we need to continue to date and get used to balancing both worlds, before we become intimate on a regular basis.” April became serious and turned to face him directly. “I want this to work. I want us to be teammates, but that doesn’t happen only in bed. We need to be able to go to each other first, best friends, and figure out the best way for US to resolve any issue. That includes family or work- the TEAM has to come first.”

“I agree. I think if we had taken time to really talk through things, really listening why we felt the way we did, we wouldn’t have broken up. But we can learn from our mistakes. So, let’s make some rules.”

“Rules?”

“Rules for our team. So we don’t fall into the same traps we did before.”

Ethan was pleasantly surprised when she got up for the pen and pad. They spent the next hour reviewing situations from their past, that created problems and figured out ways to ensure they don’t recur. They had rules for work, including discussing results and cases before they went in to speak with the patient. They also made rules for handling personal disagreements, including decisions regarding family. The first rule was simple- their partnership was the priority and everything and everybody came in second.   
Soldiers in love and life- that was their choice… and Now their understanding.


	8. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April thought they had made some progress in their relationship, but Emily’s presence always caused her to wonder. Ethan chose to focus on his own life and embrace the fact for everyone to do that for themselves; however, April’s decision may cause him to rethink his choices.

April was worried. He had lost a patient, had a fight with Emily, and now he was quiet. She figured he was falling back into his old habit of holding everything in and not sharing. But after he asked her to go run with him after work, her fears were relieved. While they were strolling to cool down, April finally decided to see if he was ready to talk.  
“You ok?” she asked waiting to see if their relationship had really changed these last few weeks or was it regressing. “I know losing the patient affected you more than you said.”

“Yeah, it was hard to lose the patient,” he answered with an open look she hadn’t seen before, “but I keep hearing you say that I can’t control what people do; which is funny considering I am having the hardest time doing that with my sister.” April nodded in agreement. “You were right, I shouldn’t have gotten in the middle, but when I heard how nonchalant Bernie was acting about not getting a job or apartment, I lost it.”

April sighed lightly. “Was she mad?” He nodded in defeat. “Ethan, I know you want the best for your sister and you think being away from Bernie is best for her… and Vincent.”

“But I was only trying to protect her. She deserves better! And apparently she agrees that he should have a job and they need an apartment, but she was mad that I told him so. Why?”

“You have to remember Bernie was Emily’s CHOICE. She chose him to be with and father her child. And even though he lied and misled her, she wants her family and him more than having things her way.” April grabbed his hand and stopped their walk. “Though your intention was good, it comes off as you’re trying to dictate what she does with her life, instead of letting her figure it out… like we’ve done.”

“Maybe you’re right, but we both know her decision making hadn’t been the best, so I felt the need to step in. But after hearing you ‘chastise’ me in my head for a while, I went back to make peace with them. I offered to assist them, no questions asked, just to show Emily I supported her. Then Bernie asked me for some erectile dysfunction medicine, because he couldn’t sustain an erection. Who’s he needing an erection for? My sister is at your place! Does this mean he’s having sex with his wife? Or cheating on both she and Emily? Why is she with this guy?” Ethan obviously believed he’d not really done anything wrong, but April knew if he didn’t find a way to see Emily’s point of view, he’d lose his sister.

“I know she hasn’t shown the best judgment, but which one of us can say we’ve shown the best judgement everyday of our lives?” His face showed he wasn’t converted, so she tried a different tactic. “Ok. What if Emily told you that we shouldn’t be together? That our past relationship- your condescending and my judgmental attitudes, proved we shouldn’t be together. What would you say?”

“I’d tell her it wasn’t any of her business what I did with my life and who I chose to be with!” he answered without hesitation.

April smiled knowing he had finally seen Emily’s point of view, as he reviewed what he’d just said. “Look Ethan. Just as your life is made up of your decisions, your sister’s life has to be made up of hers. Besides, nothing you force her into doing will stick, because it was your choice not hers. And when you’re evaluating someone else’s choices, just keep in mind everyone is not as strong as you, nor have your drive, so your way of doing things may not be the best way for that person.” Before he could protest she interjected. “And just because it worked in the Navy, doesn’t mean it will work for civilians, especially considering we have more rules and options to consider than soldiers.” Ethan wrapped her up in his arms, thanking her for being the angel on his shoulder and helping him with his family. April gently kissed him, letting him know it wasn’t a problem- it was her choice.

Vincent was fussier than he’d ever been. When the baby wasn’t sleeping, he seemed inconsolable; which April assumed was the result of his mother’s impromptu disappearance. It had only been two weeks since she was defending Emily’s right to choose to Ethan, when Emily decided to run away without taking her son. April hated to admit it, but times like these were when she could understand Ethan’s criticism of Emily. She didn’t understand how the woman could leave her son. Nevertheless, she finally got Vincent to relax and drift off to sleep.

“I’ll move him to my place tomorrow, so you can get your life back,” Ethan suggested. “My life is a mess right now, and it’s not your responsibility to help me fix it. Maybe you were right, maybe we are better if we go our separate ways.” April was shocked and desponded that he’d suggest such foolishness. “I mean, I’m probably going to have Vincent, since neither Bernie or Emily can be trusted to care of him right now, and it’s not fair to hold up your life.” 

April stepped close to him, face tight with determination. “Ethan Alexander Choi. It’s my choice whether I stay or go… and I choose to stay. I’m not leaving you Ethan and I’m not giving up on what we obviously have.” She thought he’d be happy, but instead he looked even more pained.

“April listen. I don’t want you to resent me later, because you feel like you wasted time with me. That was Vicki’s main issue- I wasted her time. And though I love you,” he paused placing her hands over his heart, “I can’t do that to you. Most people would see this for the helpless situation it is and go. Hell, most would’ve been gone by now.”

He didn’t have to say it. She could see the fear in his eyes. He was afraid he had found the one bump, that she wouldn’t be able to get over. Well he was wrong. “Ethan, Love is what Love does. So I choose to stay… Because it’s you.” Overwhelmed by her declaration, the doctor showed her how much he loved her… for being there and for loving him.

After making love and spending time with Vincent between them, the couple fell asleep on the couch. However, the crying alarm woke them only a few hours later, and while April changed the little one’s diaper, Emily appeared. This time April wouldn’t let her actions slide. 

“Emily don’t act like we’re crazy! You were selfish! All you had to do is ask for help. Instead you ran away assuming Ethan or I would take care of Vincent. That’s just irresponsible. And if you ever want someone to take you seriously, you need to act accordingly.” Emily stuttered, attempting to give an excuse, but April shut her down. “No. Ethan is right. Vincent needs stability and consistency, so get it together and be his mother! I don’t care about how you and Bernie feel, you need a plan- put your son first.” April’s authoritative tone seemed to shake Emily enough to make her agree to work with Bernie to make a plan for Vincent’s future. Ethan looked upon April with pride. She was the soldier at his side… she was the right choice.

This particular morning, Maggie couldn’t deny the change in the ‘air’ around Ethan and April. She had assumed they were exclusive again, but somehow it seemed more substantial- like the difference between 2D and 3D or High Def. They seemed well rounded, working in tandem, rather than just a doctor and nurse.  
“Good morning Maggie.” April greeted as she happily placed her belongings away.

“Hey. You seem happy.” April nodded. “Have you and Dr. Choi found a way to make it work… working together?”

April’s smile softened blissfully. “I really think we have. Once he came back from Hawaii, we talked, and we knew we still had something. But for once we really tried to see the other person’s point of view, what they needed, and decided to try again.” She paused as she took a minute to appreciate how much they’d grown. “We see each other as a team now.”

“I noticed. You seem to interact with him like you used to with Natalie, you know, discussing the case and throwing out ideas.”

“It’s new, but something we’re both willing to work on. Like we just had a patient that was allergic to meat. Ethan allowed me to participate when he was giving the prognosis, and it seemed to make the patient more receptive.” April remembered how great it felt when he let her tell the patient what they found… he really had come a long way. “We even made rules for us to use for work and our personal life, so that every person feels heard and respected.” April placed her hand on Maggie’s arm. “But he wouldn’t have ever considered changing his perspective, if you hadn’t told him what I did when he was poisoned.”

“He kept saying you left him dying, and then I realized he had no clue what you’d done. I thought he should know.” Maggie responded.

“Well, let me thank you. Because once he knew, and after he met with his friends in Hawaii, he started to see me differently. And now we’re partners.”

“Even with the Emily situation?”

“Yep. One of our personal life rules is that no one has priority over our team. So, when it comes to Emily, we discuss what WE want to do. No more unilateral decisions… by either of us.”

Ethan had called April to go over the medications he was assigning, and her friend patted her back as she began walking away. “I’m happy for you guys. You deserve it.”

“Thanks again Maggie.” April replied smiling happier than she had in a very long time.

Bernie could tell that Ethan wasn’t fond of the plan they proposed, as he never broke a smile. But the accountant had found a way to get his wife and Emily on board, so he hoped it was enough. As they cleaned the dishes, April asked if he could handle Emily’s decision.  
“I really don’t have a choice do I?” Ethan asked. “It’s her life, her son… and her relationship with a married man. I may not agree or think it’s best, but everyone has to find their own way of dealing with things- including Emily. I just hope it works.”

April found herself extremely proud of his growth. She hadn’t had to prod or convince him that he needed to let Emily follow her own path. He just heard them out and calmly accepted the information given. However, April wasn’t sure he’d be so calm when she gave him some new information. She placed the last dish in the dishwasher and turned toward a smiling Ethan, who apparently had been watching her.  
“What is it?” she asked.

“Nothing. I’m just very happy you’re here… with me.” He replied kissing her gently. And with her arms around his neck, she whispered her secret.

“I know this isn’t the best time but…. I’m late.” Puzzled by her statement, Ethan waited. “My period is late.” His arms slowly slid down her side, he took a few steps back and her heart sank. “Did you hear me? My,” she began, but Ethan cut her off coldly.

“Not here.” He commanded. “We’ll leave soon and we can talk about it on the way home,” he stated as he left the room. She was in agreement, but his expressionless face left her in turmoil and had her reconsidering her choice.


	9. Plans for the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking at Bernie’s house was probably not the best place to tell him her period was late, but her experience proved that waiting never seemed to help. Would they get married? Would they have a baby? Or will they find a way to plan a future beyond their wildest dreams?

Her statement shocked him and he needed time to think. “Not here,” he answered returning to the table with a different vibe. The Kim family assumed Ethan objected to Emily and Bernie’s proposed plan yet the truth was he didn’t know how to feel. April agreed it wasn’t the place to discuss it, but she didn’t want to hold it from him any longer. However, as soon as she told him, she thought about all of the other ways- better ways, she could’ve broken the news to him. So the thirty minutes they had to smile and small talk with the party goers, before leaving, April kind of considered her punishment for bad timing. Ethan opened her door and let her get secure, but he wasn’t wearing his normal mischievous grin. And as he started out the driveway, the conversation began.

Before the doctor could even ask a question, April decided she would answer them. “First, if I’m pregnant, it’s yours. I don’t want you thinking I’ve been cheating on you or trying to pass someone else’s kid on you. Second, I didn’t plan this to trap you or get you to marry me. And I wasn’t trying to keep it from you, but I wanted to get my test results back before I told you. However, tonight, I was afraid you’d think I was trying to manipulate you, so I thought it was better to tell you.” She paused to see if his expression had changed, but nothing. “I guess I was wrong.”

After several deep breaths, Ethan got calm. “How late are you?” April was discomforted by his unemotional tone. 

“Look Ethan, I wasn’t lying. I haven’t cheated and I wasn’t trying to trap you into anything. I didn’t plan this.” She was feeling accused and frustrated that he didn’t seem to believe her.

Choi took advantage of the red light and focused on his girlfriend. “April,” he began as she turned to face him, “I never thought you planned it or tried to trap me. And I know you’re not a cheater. Why would you think that?”

“Well Tate accused me of cheating and trying to trap him, so I figured I’d tackle that at the start.”

“Well, I’m not Tate. How late are you?” he stated assuredly.

“Six weeks. I saw Dr. Grant yesterday during lunch, and my follow up appointment is lunch, day after tomorrow.” Ethan ran through his schedule in his head and nodded as he realized he could meet Dr. Grant with her.

“That’s fine, I can make that. But what took you so long to tell me?”

“Ethan,” she started exacerbated, “I honestly hadn’t thought about it. Helping Emily and taking care of Vincent, as well as working on our relationship, it skipped my mind.” He briefly recalled something about her TB medication conflicting with birth control, when they were together before.

“Your TB meds conflict with birth control pills, that’s right.”

“Exactly. It’s always come on time before, so I never worried about it. I only realized it when Emily asked if she could use some tampons. That’s when I counted and found that my last period was a couple of days before the gunman came into the ED. I really had forgotten.” She responded, pleading for him to believe her.

“I understand.” He reached out and grabbed her hand. “So, do you want to get married now, or after the baby is born?” He asked as they parked. When he opened her door, her face still shone with the surprise to his question. So he led her into his place by the hand, while she contemplated her options.

“Would you have asked me to marry you, if I wasn’t possibly pregnant?” April wanted to know his motivation. The doctor considered the situation and decided to keep to their established rules- always be honest.

“I’ve imagined I would, but probably not this soon.”

“Right. We’re still new in our relationship do-over and I don’t think we’re ready for that yet. The baby or marriage.”

“Is that the only reason? Do you not want to have a kid with me?” Ethan’s face finally had an expression- anxiousness. 

“I’d love to have a child with you Dr. Choi,” she answered grabbing his face, “but not right now. We’re doing so good this time around. I don’t want us to rush any stage. Besides, I’m enjoying having you to myself,” she answered kissing his cheek with joyous force. “On the other hand, if we’re blessed to be pregnant, then I’ll look forward to carrying our bundle of joy.” April let herself breathe and shared her peace with her boyfriend with a slow and purposeful kiss.

She could feel him smile under her lips. “Honestly, I’m enjoying my selfish time with you too. However, considering this situation, do you want to stop being intimate? I mean, we’ve only made love twice, but after our last time, I assumed we’d be picking up the pace.” He hesitated feeling her hips shift against him. “For the record, I’m good either way. Having a baby with you doesn’t scare me, but I can use protection until we decide we’re ready for that.” 

“I’m enjoying our love making even more now. We’re so connected and I feel so desired… and loved. So, if I’m not pregnant, you may want to make sure your condom drawer is full.” April pecked him, heading toward the bedroom, as she dropped her shirt on the floor. “But tonight,” she shouted, “won’t matter either way.” He could hear the smile in her voice and as he ran into his bedroom, his heart smiled in response.

Dr. Grant confirmed she wasn’t pregnant, but her missing period concerned her, so she scheduled an ultrasound. Her previous miscarriage caused some scarring that was blocking the eggs of one of her ovaries. Fearful at the thought of not being able to have a baby… to have their baby, April squeezed Ethan’s hand.   
“Dr. Grant, does this mean I won’t be able to have kids?” 

“No, but it will be more difficult. Let’s get this scarring removed and see if we can save the tube. If not, you still have one good tube and that’s all you need to get pregnant.” Grant answered. 

The couple looked at each other, searching for assurances. “When can you perform the surgery? And how long will she be down?” Choi asked.

“Well, I can do the procedure this week, but you know the severity will determine the recovery time. But based upon what I’m seeing, probably 2-3 weeks.”

“I don’t know if I can do that. Goodwin wants me to help fill in for Maggie, while she’s recovering from her chemotherapy.” April explained.

“This is your health. I’m sure Ms. Goodwin can find coverage, until you return,” he stated moving from behind to kneel before her. “Remember, our rules- WE take priority and we make decisions together.” She nodded with tears welling in her eyes.

“You’re right. Dr. Grant, let me speak with Ms. Goodwin today and I’ll call you tomorrow morning to get my surgery set up.” The couple thanked Grant and headed back to the ED for the last half of their shift. While in the elevator, April wrapped her arms around Ethan’s neck and thanked him for loving her. Loving her enough to consider her health, quell her fears, and plan a future beyond their wildest dreams.

April thrived in Maggie’s position, while she recovered for the next six months. So when former nurse returned, and April was expected to just go back to nursing, she was a little dejected. Maggie would make comments about systems April had put in place during her absence, or how she would’ve done things differently. They weren’t malicious, but it made her cringe feeling like her assistance wasn’t appreciated. Today, however, her actions were celebrated.  
“April, thank you for coming to see me,” Ms. Goodwin stated.

“Of course. What’s going on?”

“You did such a good job while Maggie was gone, you were the only person that came to mind when I heard about this opportunity.” April’s face showed her confusion. “The administrator at Mercy Hospital contacted me today asking if I knew of someone who could step in as ED charge nurse for them. They just had a major shift in staffing this past year. All of their floor nurses are new and too inexperienced to be charge nurse. And their current charge nurse is moving away, but since it’s an ED, they need an experienced nurse to take over immediately. Are you interested?”

Ethan waited for April to tell him why she had been summoned, but her look said they’d discuss it later. As they enjoyed the starry night, the two looked at the pros and cons of a move to Mercy.  
“Babe, you deserve it. You stepped in for Maggie and the ED didn’t miss a beat. And though I’d hate not having my right arm with me, working at Mercy would give you more opportunities for advancement. If that’s what you wanted.”

“Those are pros, but what about the cons, Ethan. If I go to Mercy, we’ll probably be on different shifts, so there goes our quality time. They have newbie nurses, so that means I’m going to have to do a lot of training, and again eliminating our quality time. I don’t know the staff or doctors, so that’s going to take time as well. It’s just so much work… and so much time away from us. Do I really want to deal with that?”

Ethan pulled her onto his lap. “Every con you mentioned was about us not spending time together. Are you worried about that?”

“Aren’t you? Our jobs are already stressful and if we add distance, I’m afraid our absence will not make us grow fonder.” Ethan chuckled at her witty comment, to which she spanked his hand. “I’m serious Choi! Think about it. If we spent 50% less time together, how do you think our relationship will look? What will our future look like? I mean, we’re getting close to wanting to start our family, right?” Ethan nodded. “So how are we going to do that?”

“Sexton, I’m not going anywhere. I’m the soldier by your side, no matter where we work, so you don’t have to worry about us being apart.” His gentle peck on her neck made April giggle. “But I have to admit that it’ll add strain and means we’ll have to put in more effort, but I think you’re worth it,” the doctor chuckled.

“That’s a nice sentiment Ethan, but we both know that isn’t how it works. No matter how much effort we put into it, reduced time together will end up making us strangers. And I’m happy… for the first time in a long time, I’m really happy. What about you? Are you happy? Or do you want us to have some space?” She tried to stand, but Ethan wouldn’t let her get up.

“Don’t do that. I’m elated- happier than I’ve ever been. I don’t want or need space from you or us. I want more time with you. I’m excited for us to start a family. But I also look forward to seeing you excel in your career- you’ve worked hard for it. So, what do you want to do?” April thought about it and looked at her man gleefully, as they planned their future… together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though April wants a family of her own, I tried to consider if she'd want to have one this early in their relationship re-do.   
I wonder what the Med writers are going to do.


	10. His One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being gone for some time, April returns to Med and finds her work life changed and her personal life in trouble. Will these two figure out a way to become one? Or will the presence of a new doctor cause a permanent separation?

Walking into Med this morning, after being gone for 3 months, made April feel like a stranger… a nervous stranger at that. She only recognized a few of the nurses and doctors, although this was not her normal shift. Today, Ms. Goodwin had asked her to come in a couple of hours early, so that they could debrief about her time at Mercy and discuss the changes the hospital had planned. April wasn’t sure if the new things would feel like a step forward or back, but she knew she’d had enough of being away from her Med family and Ethan, so the only choice was to return.

“Come in April. I’m sorry we had to meet so early, but I had no other time available.”

“Its fine Ms. Goodwin. I don’t mind,” April smiled as she looked around the office. “It’s really good to be back.”

Motioning for the nurse to take a seat, Sharon began. “Well I must say I was extremely glad that you turned down their offer to be their ED charge nurse. I knew he said he wouldn’t offer it to you, but I also knew that he’d be a fool if he didn’t- you’re too good to let get away,” the older lady smiled.

“Thank you,” April replied. “Mr. Thomason did offer, but knowing what would be required and where I envision my life going, it wouldn’t have been a good fit. Besides, I still have time, so maybe later on. Maybe after babies and the kids are older” April hunched, “we’ll see.”

Ms. Goodwin smiled broadly. “That’s how I did it and look at me.” She paused and dropped her head only to raise with concern now on her face. “April, unless something has changed, I think you and Dr. Choi are still together- correct?” April looked a little taken aback, although she knew that they didn’t try to hide holding hands or anything. “Oh, don’t be nervous, he told me when he knew that you’d be returning; although I already knew,” Goodwin answered with a wink.

“Ok, well yes, we’re still together. Is that a problem? It hasn’t been before.” April could feel the knots begin to tighten in her stomach. She had already spent 3 months away from working with Ethan, and though they made the most of their time together, her duties at Mercy kept her away more than she had wanted.

“Well, it’s one of the changes, but not because you’re dating.” April looked confused. “Dr. Marcel has been assigned to be the trauma surgeon for the ED, and will be using the Hybrid OR. However, because of Maggie’s relapse and continued treatments, she can’t scrub for his cases. We borrowed one of the CT nurses for a while, but since you’re back, I would like to assign you to work with him. And when there are no traumas, you will help Maggie run the ED.”

April Sexton hadn’t expected this. She’d get more time and experience scrubbing, but also experience as a charge nurse. However, that meant she wouldn’t be in her comfort zone working with Ethan, and she still didn’t know what to think about Dr. Crockett Marcel. And then there was the additional work, which could create strains on her relationship, so April took time to ponder the proposed changes. Goodwin, on the other hand, interpreted Sexton’s silence as hesitation or displeasure, and began her pitch.

“Now, of course, because it’s extra work, we will compensate you accordingly. I’ve been approved to hire another Charge nurse for the ED, since we’ve been managing such large volumes in comparison to other hospitals, so you would be officially promoted to charge nurse… with the pay that comes along with that.” Sharon smiled, thinking this would tempt the nurse to jump at the chance, but April’s mind was elsewhere.

“That’s great and I appreciate it.” She paused trying to decide how to broach the topic of her future. “But if I choose to begin my family sooner, rather than later, and I am in this position, will my standing with the hospital be adversely affected?” 

Ms. Goodwin was puzzled and decided to just be honest. “April are you pregnant now?” April shook her head no. “Are you planning to be pregnant in the next few months?” And again April shook her head. “Truth is, your health would come first. You can work until you aren’t capable or not permitted to work, and return when your leave is over. That’s normal.”

“Ok, well one more thing,” April paused awaiting Ms. Goodwin’s go ahead, “I would like to speak with Ethan first before giving you my response. Can I give you my final answer this afternoon?”

“Of course,” Sharon smiled and hugged April tightly. “It’s really good to have you back.”

Ethan Choi was rarely nervous, but not seeing April last night and knowing she had a meeting with Goodwin about operational changes, the doctor couldn’t help it. April walked into the ED lounge and was immediately startled when she saw Ethan.  
“Babe?! What are you doing here so early? You’re not on for another hour.”

Ethan quickly embraced and kissed her. “I was nervous, wondering what Goodwin wanted to change. Is everything ok?” So April told him about the offer and all she had discussed with the administrator, including them and family planning. She thought the doctor might have been a little upset for mentioning their baby plans, but his smile let April know he was fine with it.

“I told her I wanted to speak to you first and give her an answer this afternoon. So what do you think?”

Ethan took a few minutes to review what she had told him. “April, honestly, it seems like the best of both worlds, barring us not working together. I mean, you get more experience scrubbing and as a charge nurse, not to mention an actual title and paid promotion.” She nodded. “And when we do begin our family, because you’d be a charge nurse, you could minimize how much you actually had to participate in actual patient care; therefore, not overdoing it. Seems like a good fit to me.” 

“Yeah, but what about Marcel? I mean, he seems like he doesn’t take things too seriously, although the bacteria patients did get to him some. But I don’t have time or the patience to ‘train’ him like I did you,” she giggled as she rubbed his chin and kissed his cheek.

Ethan laughed tickling her and returning her affections. “I know, but as long as you don’t use the methods you now use to keep me in line, I’m fine,” he responded slyly as they both laughed heartily.

Maggie’s lymph node biopsy was benign, but with a mass showing up in her lymph system, the treatments became harsher; which meant after a few weeks of her promotion, April was spending a lot of time helping run the department. But not only was she picking up a lot of slack for Maggie, she’d become Dr. Crockett Marcel’s new go to girl. Even when there wasn’t a trauma in the ED, Crockett would request her assistance, much to Ethan’s displeasure. The Chief ED Resident had caught Marcel gazing longingly at April, when she and Maggie were handling things, and he didn’t like it. Not to mention the fact that because of her increased workload, their quality time had decreased… especially their intimate time which they both really hated. So with Marcel eyeing her and working with her so closely, Ethan could feel his skin begin to turn an unsightly shade of green. However, today, it had been over a month, and Ethan’s color went from jealous green to raging red.

“Choi!” Marcel yelled jogging to catch up with the ED doctor.

“Yeah.” Ethan answered stoically.

“Would you say April is an honest person?” Confused, Ethan looked at Dr. Marcel puzzled. “I mean, is she the type of person to tell you the truth or would she exaggerate?” Not sure where he was going with this line of questioning, Ethan responded as best he could.

“April doesn’t lie. She’s extremely honest. Why?” Ethan’s suspicions grew, as they looked on April and Maggie sorting the schedule at the desk. 

“Well she said that she wasn’t dating anyone and hadn’t for a while, so I just wanted to know if I should trust her before I ask her out.” Ethan’s heart plummeted at the Cajun doctor’s statement. He loved April and she said she loved him too, so what happened? As angry as he was at the thought of Marcel and April together, the thought of her not loving him or leaving him was bigger.

“Do what you want,” Ethan stomped away toward the roof to get some much needed air.

At the end of shift, April happily wrapped her arms around Ethan’s waist and rested her head on his back. “Babe, I’m so glad we have a couple of days off,” she replied as she moved her body to the front of him. “I’m not planning on going anywhere but the kitchen and bed,” she grinned seductively. “So who’s place will it be?” As she began to nibble at his neck, Ethan forcefully moved her away from him.

“Why don’t you ask Marcel?” he angrily yelled. “I’m sure his place will suffice.” April was surprised and confused. Why was he talking about Dr. Marcel, and what did he have to do with them?

“Ethan, what are you talking about?”

“He asked you out right? I mean, he was planning to. Did you say yes? I figured you did since you said you were dating anyone.” The way he jerked from her touch unnerved April, but when he turned back with tears in his eyes, she was alarmed even more. “I thought we loved each other?! I thought you loved me April. When I said I loved you, I meant it. Was it a game for you?” April tried to answer, but her boyfriend cut her off. “I guess it was considering you told him you hadn’t been dating anyone for a while!” Choi paused to catch his breath. “We were talking about starting a family… having babies and getting married, and this is what you do? Was any of it real?!” Ethan’s voice reverberated off the walls and she was for once happy the lounge was sound proof. 

“Ethan, I never told Crockett I wasn’t dating someone. For goodness sake, he’s always asking me how we make it work- you know working so closely together. So I’m not sure why he told you that, but I never said that! And when I said I loved you,” she declared as she stepped into his personal space wiping his tears, “I meant it. I do want to make babies and have a family with you! My love for you is real!” Ethan dropped his eyes in relief, but raised them in pure fury.

“If you never told him you weren’t dating, why did that bastard approach me?” April steadied herself thinking he had chosen to believe the other doctor, but when he tried to leave the room she realized he planned to harm the other man.

“Ethan don’t!” she yelled pulling on his arm. “Look, beating him up isn’t going to help us get to the bottom of the situation. We’re good. I love you and I’m not going anywhere- no matter how he lies.” She paused and locked eyes with her lover. “And you love me right?” Her fear disappeared when he told her he did and kissed her like he meant it. “Ok, so let’s just TALK to him and see if we can get to the bottom of this.” April peeked out of the lounge and asked Monique if she’d seen Dr. Marcel. She said he had gone back up to CT department, so Ethan and April went too.

As they entered the CT lounge, they found Dr. Marcel reviewing treatments for breast and lymphatic cancers alone. “Oh hey you two. Thanks again for helping me.” The visitors were unsure how to take his appreciation. On one hand it seemed genuine, but on the other hand it was intended to break them up.

“What was your plan man?” Ethan snarled. “What, you thought you’d lie and try to break us up so you could go after April?” Marcel’s brows furrowed.

“And to think you played me asking about Maggie all that time,” April added with a huff.

“I wasn’t playing you. Besides Ms. Goodwin, you were the next closest to Maggie I could ask, so I did. I didn’t want to make it awkward if she had a man, so I got intel first.” Seeing the daggers in their eyes, he probed further. “Why would you think I was trying to break y’all up? I’m always telling April how great I think you are together.”

Like a flash, Ethan realized he had created a real-life rom-com. “Wait a minute. When you came to me and asked me if April was an honest person, who were you planning on asking out?” 

In unison, both men said “Maggie.” Ethan’s throat erupted with laughter. He had never been so jealous or scared of losing someone in his entire life. Yet knowing he’d finally found that person he could NEVER live without and was willing to fight to keep, thrilled him with happiness.

“Crockett, man I apologize.” Ethan started as he tried to catch his breath. “When you asked me about April and said ‘she’ hadn’t dated anyone in a while, I assumed you meant April... but we were looking at April AND Maggie. My bad.” Marcel shook his extended hand.

“No worries man. I totally understand. When you meet women like April and Maggie, such rare beauties possessing such strength and wisdom, it’s hard not to want to fight to keep them close,” he chuckled as April leaned into Ethan’s side. “I just hope Maggie and I will work out like you two… be nice to have someone understand what you’re going through while still giving you a reason to love life.”

“So true,” she chimed in. “Have you asked her out yet?” At this question, Crockett’s face fell.

“I did but she gave me some excuse about her being a burden and not attractive. I tried to convince her, but she wouldn’t listen.”

“Well don’t give up on her,” Ethan responded. “Like you said they’re strong beauties, but they have their fragile moments too, and just need to see you’re not going anywhere.”

“Thanks brother. Will do. I’m persistent, if anything.” He packed up his papers and his bag. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go try again before she leaves for the day.” Dr. Marcel laughed as he left the embracing couple.

“So sir, can we go home now? I really would like to begin my stay-cation of love and food,” she stated gently pecking Choi’s lips. His arms closed tighter around her and pulled her into his chest.

“Why do you love me April?” he asked as she dropped her head to the side. “Why do you put up with me and my craziness? I mean I almost believed that ‘you’ said you weren’t dating anyone.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked him squarely in the eye.

“Because it’s you Ethan. Anyone would’ve been upset if they thought they were being played. And since we both know this kind of love, being so deep in love, is new for both of us, it’s scary to think it can be taken away. But the fact that you were so fierce to keep our love together, once we talked,” she giggled, “let me know that you’d fight for me like I’d fight for you… and that made me love you more. So to answer your question- I love you because it’s you.”

“I love you April,” Ethan responded and kissed her passionately. “Let’s go home to my place- I already have the fruit, but YOUR chocolate cream will round things off nicely. You taste so sweet!” His tongue quickly flicked, before his teeth slightly pinched her earlobe. Her giggles lingered in his ear, as he felt his arousal become evident to her. “Let’s go.”  
As the couple left for their romantic stay-cation, Ethan knew it was time. He’d found a love he could surrender himself to- heart, mind, body, and soul. She was his friend, his lover, his sounding board, his place of peace… she was everything. His fear wasn’t that she made him vulnerable, but that she’d be taken away. There was only one way to make sure she’d forever be by his side… so Ethan began his plans to make her his ONE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a few weeks off, after pushing so hard to get as much as I could complete before the season began. However, after a few episodes and seeing how Marcel is weaving into the Med group, I wanted to revamp my last chapter for this story. Now, I plan to have 1 more chapter and an epilogue to close this out. I hope you enjoy.


	11. Truth Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April has received some difficult news and is taking her fear out on Ethan. She knows he’s excited for their future, but his excitement only fuels her feelings of inadequacy. She can’t tell him her suspicions, because he’ll leave her, so she turns to the one who never expects anything from her- Crockett. But as her fear leads her into some compromising positions, April finally decides to deal with the consequences. The problem is there are consequences for more than just her.
> 
> This chapter is longer than normal, but I hope it will be enjoyed.

“Only 1 line”, April huffed as she read the negative pregnancy test. She knew it would be difficult to get pregnant, since she had to remove one of her fallopian tubes, but Dr. Grant didn’t say it would be impossible. They’ve definitely been trying… a lot, so that isn’t an issue. Something must be wrong, but she has to find out before Ethan gets back from his Naval briefing in Germany. “Yes, this is April Sexton. I need an emergency appointment with Dr. Grant. Today if possible. Thanks.”

As Ethan relaxed into his seat, he was finally able to exhale. The trip to Brazil had been worth it. April’s parents only come back to Chicago during the summer, which is fine for a wedding; but he didn’t want to wait any longer than necessary to get married. He told April he was going to Germany, so she wouldn’t be suspicious. Mr. Sexton was appreciative of him asking first, but it was her mother that surprised him. Once he had received approval from her dad, he asked April’s mom. With tears in her eyes, she reached up and hugged him tightly, thanking him for loving her daughter the way he does. “You allow her to be herself, even when you don’t agree or she’s wrong. You encourage her in her career, even if it causes strains in your relationship. You love her enough to want her to reach her dreams and are willing to help her anyway you can.” Amelda wiped her tears, and stared into his eyes as she grabbed his face. “You love her and for that I love you. Today, you have become my son… my family, and I look forward to seeing you two build your own.” And with a sweet kiss on the cheek, she deposited her blessing on her soon to be son. Now all he had to do was plan how he wanted to propose.

“I had the nightmare again, Crockett,” April started as she recounted the fear that woke her from her sleep. Dr. Marcel had become her confidant, as of late, especially now that Ethan had become super excited (somewhat obsessive) about having a baby. “Ethan proposes and I tell him that I’m not able to have kids, and he leaves me.”

“Have you told him how his tracking your ovulations or reading the ‘expectant father’ adds pressure to you? He needs to back off, so that the added pressure doesn’t stress you out- it’ll only make it harder.”

“I can’t tell him,” April turned away frustrated. “The truth is I’m being selfish. I want him to be happy and have the life he desires, but I know I won’t survive if he leaves me… so.” As her head dropped in defeat, Crockett lifted her chin.

“April, Ethan loves you. But if he leaves you because you may not be able to give him children, then he doesn’t deserve you,” Marcel replied as he embraced her and assured her all would be well. However, in her vulnerable state, all April could see was Ethan’s disgust in her flaw and leaving her behind. When her lips touched Crockett’s, it was as if all of the jumbled thoughts in her mind were unscrambled and she knew what to do. All of her conversations with her cousin Jessica, Maggie, and even Crockett, were making sense. First thing to do was to stop kissing Marcel, but he beat her to it. “April, what was that? Are you sure you want to do this?”

Crockett had noticed how close they had gotten lately. Although most of it was fueled by her insecurity and Maggie’s rejection of him, he couldn’t deny that he understood why any man would want to be with April. She was beautiful, strong, and smart, but also kind and loving. April was every man’s ideal, but right now she belonged to Ethan and he had to make sure he didn’t contribute to any problems they may have.

“I’m sorry. I need to go. I need to speak with Ethan,” she answered scurrying away. When April finally found Ethan, he was still mad at her from earlier. 

“April, I’m not coming home tonight and I’m going to leave for my deployment from the hospital.” She was speechless. They’d been distant the last couple of weeks, which had been her fault, but her lack of communication was the real culprit. She wasn’t telling him how his excitement heightened her fear and how her night shifts to help Mercy’s ED were employed as a diversion for intimacy.

“Why Ethan?! So, we disagreed on a case. We said we wouldn’t let that affect our team- we were the priority!”

“We are the priority for me, but it seems like the more I try to help us achieve our dream, the more you pull away. I mean every time I turn around, you and Marcel are huddled together whispering and laughing, yet I can’t remember the last time you smiled at me. Then when I try to discuss the future with you, you’re always too busy. It’s like you don’t want to build a life with me at all.” His eyes peered at her with expectancy.

“Of course, I want to build a life with you, but I’m not sure I want kids anymore.” The shock resting on his face was the same she saw in her dream, but in reality, he was also angry.

“Well what do you want?! I swear I never seem to make you happy, no matter how hard I try,” He responded as he entered the elevator. “I’m going to be there with my patient while he tells his wife that their son is dead and then leave for my mission. You got six weeks to figure out what you want. If I return, it’d be nice for you to have some answers?” The door closed and she realized that he could NOT return from his deployment… then what?

The first 2 weeks after he left, April stayed with her cousin Jessica. The condo was too lonely and too much of a reminder of what she was afraid to lose, so she left. Jessica was an attorney from New York, but had wanted to come home and get closer to the family; which was perfect timing, because she helped April see her situation from both sides. “Nina, I understand your fear, but remember he’s only seeing the aftermath. To him you’re not talking; not having sex; staying away from him as much as you can; and growing more and more dissatisfied. What would you be thinking if it was the other way around? How would you react?” April knew Jessica was right. Her actions and lack of communication would be planting all kinds of seeds in his mind. And if there was ever a chance of them staying together, even if she can’t have kids, she must be honest… about everything, including the kiss. “Go home lil’ cousin. Look at the life you built and ask yourself if your love for him is contingent on how he loves you.” April was noticeably confused. “If you only love him because he loves you, I submit that’s not the type of love you want or want to give.” Jessica moved around the island and took her younger cousin’s hand. “My experience is that when I love someone because of who they are, not what they give me, it’s more rewarding. Yes, it made me more vulnerable, but the risk gave me the best reward- a comparable love in return.” Tears began to fall from April’s eyes. “I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you not to allow fear to win- it’ll result in you only living a portion of your life, not its fullest.”

Maggie had agreed to allow her some time off after she received Dr. Grant’s final diagnosis. She had requested her to rush, because she needed to tell Ethan where they stood when he returned in 2 days. Unfortunately, the news was not all good. After they found the small mass on her ovary was benign, April’s hope increased. However, the results of her final tests crushed all those hopes and now she had to prepare for the end of the greatest love she’d ever experienced. She had made such good progress in the last 4 weeks, after speaking with Jessica. April had apologized to Crockett, making it clear that she appreciated his friendship, but that she kissed him out of fear. She was sabotaging her relationship, in case Ethan reacted poorly to her news. She thanked him for his support, and prepared him for Ethan’s probable outrage, as she planned to tell him she kissed Marcel. But secretly she wondered if it would matter, once he finds out she won’t be able to have kids.

She didn’t hear the keys in the door over her music in her headphones, so she was happily surprised when she went to pack more clothes, and saw Ethan standing there.   
“Hey babe. I shipped out a day early. I couldn’t wait to see you,” he stated with this huge grin on his face, until he saw her suitcase in the hallway and the one she was packing on the couch. “What’s going on?”

She knew that face and he would think this was something he did, so she took a breath and dove into the deep end. She hugged him tightly and kissed him fervently, but quickly. “Ethan sit down, I have some things to tell you.” He moved hesitantly to the couch, as she sat in front of him on the ottoman. “I’ve missed you,” she said with a smile, but his smile didn’t respond. “Ok. So, the day you left, I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. I went looking for something in the closet and found your ovulation calendar and ‘expectant father’ book.” The doctor tried to interject but she stopped him. “Please just let me tell you everything and then if you want to say something, we can talk about it then. Ok?” He nodded so she continued. “I had been nervous after my tube was removed, because I knew it would take longer to get pregnant. Yet it’d been months and we were actively trying, so the negative test made me more concerned something else was wrong. Then Dr. Grant told me that you had come to be tested and your counts were good; which again made me more afraid that I was the reason we couldn’t have a family.” He looked like he’d been caught, but she touched his hand gently and told him she understood. “Then when I found the calendar and stuff, it stressed me out more and I unfairly took it out on you. I’m sorry. I really am.” Shamefully she dropped her eyes, but feeling a sweet kiss on her hand gave her the strength to move on. She loved him enough to let him have the life he wanted, even if it meant he did so without her.   
April smiled and continued. “Then we fought and you left. So, I went back to Grant to see what was the problem. That’s when she found the mass on my ovary- the only one with a tube.” Ethan sat forward in terror. “I’m ok, but when I found out I was alarmed too. Now my fear went from possibly not being able to give you kids and you leaving, to include the possibility of dying as well. Fortunately, the tumor was benign and didn’t seem to affect the ovary, but other tests did show why I wasn’t getting pregnant.” April paused taking several deep breaths to prepare her next statement. She took his hands in hers and remembered her love for him was unselfish- she wanted him to live the life he wanted to its fullest. “Ethan, Dr. Grant says that I’ve got early onset menopause and my ovarian output is decreased. I’m most likely not ever going to get pregnant.” Her voice began to break. “I’m sorry Ethan. I wish I could give you what you wanted, but I don’t think I can.” 

Ethan was noticeably disappointed, but it hadn’t changed his feelings for her. “Hey,” he asserted as he caressed her cheek. “Yes, its sad that we may not be able to have our own kids, but you’re what I want most. We can always adopt if we want.” His kiss was a welcomed comfort for her and she let herself linger in it for a minute, before she continued. When she could feel the passion begin to build, April stopped the love of her life from going too far, and proceeded with her confessions. 

“Ethan there’s more.” He leaned back and waited with baited breath. “Once the distance began to grow between us, because of my fear and stress, I started leaning on Crockett for support. I shouldn’t have, but I did. And after you said that you weren’t coming home, and insinuated that you may not return from deployment, I went to Crockett for comfort.” She never took her eyes off of him, but his hands sliding out of hers, was hard to miss. “I, uh… I, uh… I kissed him.” Ethan jumped up and his jaw tightened.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“What?” she couldn’t believe he was asking her that.

“Did you sleep with him?!” he yelled, his voice echoing off the walls.

“No, of course not! How could you think I’d do that to you?”

Ethan was in her face within 2 steps. “I never thought you’d have kissed him either.” And with teary eyes, he turned away and left.

The air was cold, but he couldn’t look at her any longer. He loved her and she betrayed him. He always thought there was something going on between them, but he never considered she’d cheat on him. He felt like he’d been wronged until he spoke to a friend. Steve didn’t pull any punches. “Choi, you messed up buddy. You did exactly what she expected you to do when she told you.” Ethan tried to plead his case, but Steve kept going. “I’m not saying she didn’t make a mistake, but considering she’s risked her life for you, learning she can’t have kids was probably devastating. And then you deployed without working through things, which you already know is a ‘no-no’. She was facing her fears alone, and leaned into the person who had been the shoulder she cried on when you weren’t there. What would you expect her to do?”

“Not kiss another man!”

“Yes, I agree, but the kiss isn’t the problem. The problem is…” and suddenly the call dropped. After a few minutes, Ethan received a text. “If you want your woman, go home and work it out”. Ethan chose to listen to someone who knows, so he went home, only to find April and her suitcases gone. 

The note read:  
“Ethan, you asked what was happening when you saw my suitcases. The truth is I expected you to react this way, so I decided to make it easier for both of us and leave. I love you more than I can find the words to express, but with that love came a fear I had never experienced. And though I hoped you loved me beyond my failures- kissing Crockett; not communicating; not being able to have kids- I always knew this could be the consequence.   
I want you to have the life you want and deserve and I won’t stand in your way. But please know that I will always love you and I wish you the best. I will be come by and get my things when its best for you. Just text me with a time. I love you. April.” 

She obviously hadn’t been gone long, because the paper was wilted, as if it had gotten wet. But he wasn’t sure she’d ever return… and a life without her wasn’t a consequence he’d ever considered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This last week’s Med episode was nice as Chexton got engaged, despite possibly not having kids. But I’m still upset that she didn’t tell him about the kiss- seems like a typical way to keep up unnecessary drama. But we will see.


	12. The Reason Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan and April are having difficulty finding a new balance in their lives, without each other. It’s been 2 weeks since she told him about kissing Marcel and leaving, but no one knows where they stand. However, another question is why it happened in the first place. Repeatedly, Ethan is forced to examine the reasons why she did what she did. Will he be able to accept what he finds? Will it change their fate? Sometimes the reasons make a difference.
> 
> This is a LONG chapter and because so much has to be addressed, I have added a chapter to this story (maybe even an epilogue too).

She’d been pacing her work so she didn’t have to see him at all- gone before he would arrive. But today, her patient needed surgery at the last minute, so April had to complete his chart and doctors were coming in.

“Hey April!” Natalie shouted jogging to her friend. “I’ve been calling you,” she stated while April packed her belongings.

“Yeah, I know. Sorry. I’m just not ready to talk to anyone.” 

Natalie thought she understood April’s feelings, because of how things went sideways with Will; but she loved Will and wouldn’t have cheated on him. “Ok. I just have one question. I thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with Ethan, so why would you throw it away to be with Crockett?” April’s glare, and quick step in her direction, let Nat know she’d   
said something wrong.

“First of all,” she began fighting back the tears, “I didn’t stop loving Ethan. I LOVE Ethan- get it right! Second, I kissed Crockett, because I was afraid Ethan wouldn’t want me if I couldn’t give him kids. I don’t want Crockett, and never did. And just so you know, I also made it clear he was nothing but a friend. I made a mistake! Why is it so hard for everyone to let me have a human moment?” April paused angrily weaving her arm through her backpack. “It’s funny to me that you- of all people Natalie, would be so quick to judge, especially considering all the mistakes you’ve made,” the nurse paused. “Funny. Haha,” April stated sarcastically, rolling her eyes as she left. 

It was late. She’d need to run to catch the train and more importantly, to miss Ethan. As April turned the corner, she saw Ethan coming and with that the race began. Fortunately, the terror of facing him pushed her to stay ahead. Hearing his voice felt like a hand grasping and squeezing her heart. She hoped that since she never turned around when he shouted her name, he’d assume it wasn’t her.

He left his backpack in the car when he chased the woman. Ethan hadn’t seen April in 2 weeks, so he assumed his mind could be playing tricks on him. But the woman looked so much like his unforgotten love… oh well. He chose to accept it wasn’t her and decided it was time to make a decision on the future-with or without.  
Ethan entered the lounge distracted, and ran into Natalie. “Sorry Nat,” he apologized as he helped her balance, “I didn’t see you.”

She chuckled. “I could tell. You ok?” Her colleague dropped his head and mumbled he was fine, while he slammed his locker shut. “You sure? You seem a little tense.”

“Yeah, I thought I saw um…,” he paused, “April.” His response was more like a labored whisper, unveiling the torture he was trying to conceal. Saying April’s name had been difficult, as he hadn’t used that 5-letter word but 3 times in the last 2 weeks, and all that morning. “It surprised me when I thought I saw her today, but the woman didn’t answer.”

Dr. Manning reasoned both of them were experiencing the same pain. “Ethan, why haven’t you spoken to her?” Ethan’s head snapped in her direction. “I mean, I’m not trying to start anything, but do you not love her anymore?”

“Love her? Of course, I still love her, but she’s the one who doesn’t love me. She cheated!”

“Cheated? How?” Choi looked at her with a knowing look, so sure she’d known what happened. “Look,” she approached him gently, “I know April kissed Crockett and yes that’s bad. But is it unforgiveable? That’s the question you’ve got to ask yourself.” Natalie patted his arm, intending to begin her shift. Before she exited, she turned and asked one question. 

“You know, you may want to ask WHY she did it? We both know April, and she’s fiercely loyal, so can you imagine what state of mind she had to be in to have reached for someone else when she was scared… instead of you? Love, in its truest form, operates in forgiveness, because none of us are perfect. Keep that in mind.” And with that, Ethan was left alone with his thoughts and questions of his future.

After suffering through the cop’s surgery with Marcel, all Dr. Choi wanted to do was get away from him as fast as possible. Or the officers in the lobby would be arresting him for attempted murder. Unfortunately for him, Crockett was a gambler and willingly faced dangerous situations, including a violently aggressive serviceman. “Choi,” he pleaded, “please don’t be mad at April. She was just scared that you wouldn’t want her once you knew she couldn’t have kids. I was just a shoulder for her to lean on.”

“More like lips, right,” Ethan snapped.

“Ok, Ok. Yes, she kissed me, but have you asked why?” Marcel paused to let his question sink in. “You’re so upset that she kissed another man, but you should be upset that she felt like you wouldn’t love her if she disappointed you. She was scared and believed you’d leave her because she couldn’t give you the perfect life you wanted. Although, I’m sure she hoped you’d prove her wrong. You rejected the real-life April, for not living up to the imaginary version you dreamt up.” Ethan tried to interject and explain his point of view, but Crockett wasn’t having it. “Don’t bother with the excuses. Truth is what it is. She loved you and still does, I’m sure, despite your flaws. It’s just a shame that you can’t love her the same.” Ethan turned, refusing to respond, while trying to ignore the possibility of accuracy.

The rest of the shift was much of a blur. But when Monique couldn’t get a little boy calm enough to draw blood, Ethan remembered how good April was with kids and his heart ached. He felt like half of him was missing and there was only one way to be whole… He needed April back.  
“Dr. Choi, what tests do you want?” Ethan spun around and gave Maggie a list of panels for the little boy. Her expression seemed slightly agitated, but immediately entered the requests. Before he could walk away, Maggie dragged Ethan into an empty exam room. “Is April going to take the position at Mercy?” 

Once again, the pit became a cavern in his stomach. What position? She was leaving? Why didn’t she tell him? Wait, he knew why… he hadn’t been speaking to her. “Maggie, I don’t know anything about a position at Mercy. She’s leaving?”

The nurse’s clenched jaw and pursed lips confirmed she was agitated. “Of course, you don’t know anything about a position, because you’re not talking to her. You’re acting like some stupid high school kid.” Before he could defend himself, she kept going. “I know. I know. She ‘cheated’ on you and it wasn’t your fault, right?” He nodded, seeing as she really didn’t want to hear his explanation. “Yes, she was wrong for kissing him, but instead of trying to get to the root of the issue, you threw all you had away. Like it’s easy to find around every corner. I know better than most, what you two had was rare, and worth fighting for… and through.”

“Maggie, I loved her and she kissed another man! She pushed me away and ran right into the arms of someone else. What am I supposed to think?”

“You’re supposed to give her the benefit of the doubt. You were supposed to love her pass her flaws- that’s what you said you’d do this time. You told her she could be safe and vulnerable with you; which if you didn’t know means possibly being imperfect. But the one time she wasn’t strong enough and makes a mistake, you end it.”

“I didn’t end it. She’s the one who left! AGAIN!” Maggie scoffed at his response.

“Ethan, I’m pretty sure you haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks, yet have you made any effort to speak with her or work it out? NO! So, what is she supposed to think? Although honestly, I wouldn’t blame her since once again you’re holding her to a different standard.” Choi was confused. How was he treating her differently or expecting more of her than he would himself? “Don’t look so shocked. You know we talk. She told me about the time you two kissed when you were still with Vicki- the night that soldier died. Did you ever tell Vicki about the kiss?”

“No. I didn’t tell her about it, but I was in love with April. And it took me some time to come to terms with that.”

“So, you were with Vicki, kissed April, and stayed with Vicki a few more months… yet never said anything. I mean you had a hard time dealing with the death of that soldier and you ended up in April’s arms… and lips. Do you consider yourself a cheater too? The difference is April’s not in love with Marcel and she told you as soon as she could. What she did was out of fear and disappointment. She couldn’t live up to your expectations. So, she leaned on the only person at the time who seemed to accept her as she was.” She noticed he seemed to be reluctant to hear what she was saying, but it looked like it was sinking in. “What was your excuse?”

Maggie’s chastisement hit him like a gut punch. She was right. He had done the same thing to Vicki, but April was sure to not lead anyone else on, unlike him. So, what was he really upset with her about? Yes, he absolutely detested the thought of her lips on someone else, but it was more than that.  
“Look you’ve got a point. But I can’t even attempt to see where we stand if I don’t know where she is. Where has she been staying? Is she staying with you? Noah won’t tell me anything, he said she made him promise to stay out of it.” Nodding, Maggie told him April had been staying at her cousin Jessica’s place. Ethan took his new found knowledge and insisted, despite Noah’s initial hesitation, that he give him Jessica’s address. However, when he opened his door and stepped on the envelope with his name on it, he wasn’t sure if he should continue his plan.

While he was at work, April decided to get the last of her things. According to the post-it, she wanted to return his key. The man looked around himself and though the descending sun’s rays shone through brightly, his home felt duller than it ever had. The light of her joy was gone. And Steve’s question immediately popped into his mind. “Have you thought about how your life would be if she wasn’t in it? Maybe you should remember how you felt when you came to Hawaii.” Ethan was certain he wouldn’t be ok with her kissing Marcel, but he wasn’t ok with her being out of his life either. There was only one thing left to do, so Ethan jumped into the shower.

April had told Ethan Jessica was a big-time attorney from New York. But her assessment seemed understated, considering her cousin was living in a top-floor Gold Coast condo with a doorman. “Hello. You must be Dr. Choi,” the woman greeted, welcoming him in. Ethan was struck at how beautiful she was. Tall, lean, but a killer figure just like April. And though she was lighter than her cousin, Jessica’s skin was also luminous and smooth.

“Yes, thank you,” he answered entering. “You must be Jessica. April speaks very highly of you.”

“Well I doubt you would know what she ‘speaks’, since you haven’t spoken to her in a couple of weeks.” Her quick retort spun Ethan around on his heels. “But yes, I’m Jessica. Jessica Pearson. Have a seat.” Jessica offered the doctor a drink while he sat at the kitchen island. “My assumption is that you’re here to see April,” she paused as he nodded. “Well, she’s not here- she’s out.” Ethan’s jaw tightened, instantly thinking she was out on a date with Marcel.

“Should’ve known,” he mumbled to himself, but she heard him.

“Well yes you should’ve known. She’s shopping with my mother for her community clothes drive.” 

Ethan dropped his head in shame, once again his thought of her was negative. Why? “Oh. Do you expect her back any time soon?” Jessica’s stare was unnerving, he imagined she was probably very formidable in a courtroom.

“They should be back soon. In the meantime, can we talk?” Jessica proceeded to recount the ups and downs of their relationship, from the first kiss at Noah’s party to him walking away from her a couple of weeks ago. It was obvious April had spent some time downloading her cousin on everything between them. However, Jessica’s neutrality was a welcomed surprise. Ethan had expected April to retell their love story from her standpoint, but Jessica’s assessment seemed to consider both points of view.

“Well you summed it up well,” he conceded.

A slight smile crossed her mouth. “It’s what I do. But I have one question for you. What do you want?” The question obviously caught him off guard. “I ask because my cousin loves you. And when the kiss first happened, she cried on my shoulder, agonizing over how you were going to react.” Taking the seat beside Ethan, she looked him squarely in the face and continued. “She came to the conclusion that she loved you too much to lie to you. She knew you’d most likely not understand, but she said it wasn’t your fault. She was the one hiding what was happening, not communicating, not telling you her fears.” The doctor nodded in agreement. “Yeah, but I submit you both are at fault.”

His eyes bugged out. “Wha..?”

“Don’t look so shocked. Relationships that stand through time, give love unconditionally. Perfection isn’t required, just a perfect effort. You said earlier that you could recite the letter she left that night.” Ethan pulls it out of his pocket, where he’d been carrying it lately, and let Jessica read it. “Why do you think she says she knew you’d react this way and packed her bags?”

“I don’t know. I’ve always told her I loved her no matter what.”

“Yes, but she obviously didn’t feel that. And apparently, she was correct, because ‘what’ DID matter. From what I gathered, she felt like she had to be perfect, no flaws at all. And if you think perfection is required for someone to love you, what do you think you’d do if you realize you can’t be? Would you be afraid? My guess is you would. Truth is, when a relationship fails, everyone plays a part. Maybe you should think about your part in this situation. You may find you were more involved than you think.” 

Ethan had been hearing it all day, but not until that very moment, had he considered why April was so afraid to come to him. And as if on cue, April and her aunt walked into the condo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t posted for a long while because I have been highly upset with how the Med team has been writing my favorite couple. The consistent use of typical “drama” storylines, I think is an insult to people who really want full and thriving relationships, in a realistic way.  
I did find it funny or interesting, in this last episode- “In the name of love”, several aspects I had written many days before, were in the episode. So, I am hopeful, maybe the writers will surprise me by the end of the season.


	13. Honest Accountability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April and Ethan decide to lay all their cards on the table and be honest. Honesty isn’t always easy, but it does give perspective, which they definitely need. As they embark on this new journey, they must admit their part and eventually must decide if a future is still an option. Or should they travel different roads?

April wasn’t sure if talking on Jessica’s rooftop was the best idea. The starry sky, moonlight, and warm gentle breeze cast a romantic mood, but this conversation would be anything but romantic. “I see Noah didn’t listen,” April remarked as she looked out over the water.

“He did, but I insisted. Besides, Maggie is the one who told me where you were, Noah just gave me the address.” Ethan noted her slight ‘oof’ as he stepped along the railing.   
“How’ve you been?” 

The gentleness of his voice, and slight touch of his hand, reminded April of the sweetheart she fell in love with. “I’m ok,” she paused before facing him. “It hasn’t been easy, but I’m making it. You know, learning a lot,” she replied.

“Learning a lot?”

“Well, once we talked, and,” she hesitated, “I left… Jessica made me face some things.” As she took a seat by the firepit, she motioned him to sit. “First thing I had to accept was that I caused this situation, by not talking to you. I didn’t tell you how frightened I was at the thought of being told I couldn’t conceive. I never told you I was afraid you’d leave me if children weren’t an option.” Ethan scooted his chair closer to her, noticing the tears filling her eyes.

“Why didn’t you think you could come to me, instead of going to Crockett?” 

“You got obsessed about making us pregnant. How do you think that made me feel? It made me feel like you didn’t think I was good enough, and you needed to fix me. Do you think that made me feel like you loved me just the way I am? Like you don’t judge me or have some ‘feeling’ about my inability to get pregnant? Is it too hard to understand, despite my love for you, I’d lean on someone who had no expectation of me? Who didn’t care or want anything from me?”

“I always told you that I loved you no matter what, but as Jessica pointed out to me, something did matter. Did you really think I’d have left?”

“Ethan you strive to be perfect, in all things. I mean, you even had yourself checked secretly, because you were scared you could’ve been the reason we weren’t getting pregnant. You kept your fears secret, but once you found out it wasn’t you; all was fine. Did you ever consider how you would’ve felt if it had been you?” She could tell from his expression he hadn’t thought about it. “How you would’ve felt if you thought being with you, would keep me from having my heart’s desire? Would you feel like running to tell me immediately? Would you have felt like you let me down? Would you wonder if I’d want to stay with you, if you couldn’t give me a baby? Would you feel inadequate in our relationship? Would you have to fight insecurities creeping in about other people being better for me and being able to give me what you couldn’t? All these things ran through my mind. It was just too much.”

Ethan hadn’t realized how his behavior affected her. “April, I never knew my personality was so hard to deal with. I’d never think you weren’t good enough for me. I’ve always known you were out of my league.” He smiled sweetly. “I try to do what’s right, or follow the rules, because it gives me a guideline. If I’m honest, I don’t always feel adequate handling unexpected relationship issues. So, I obsess about making sure I find the perfect answer or at least make sure I don’t make it worse. Does that make sense?””

“Yeah, but you have to give yourself permission to live, love, and make mistakes.”

“That’s why I love you. You loved me, even when I didn’t do everything right or treat you the best. I learned about loving someone by being with you. I never wanted my obsession with being perfect to give the wrong impression. You never had to be perfect for me. I’m sorry you felt that way. It wasn’t my intention.”

“Ethan don’t apologize. I was the one who broke our agreement. We promised that we’d put our TEAM first, but I didn’t. I didn’t come to you with my fears. Then I did the one thing we said we wouldn’t do- I LEFT!” She stepped directly in front of him and took his hands in hers. “I know I failed, and I wish I had trusted your love in me. I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I want you to know I love you and am sincerely sorry for hurting you.”

He had gained some clarity from his conversations of the day. “Babe, it wasn’t that you kissed him, although it’s not my favorite image. What hurt the most was that someone had come between us. I was supposed to be your safe place, but you didn’t feel that. And that was my fault.”

“No babe, everything was…” the good doctor stopped her with a gentle finger to the lips.

“April, if you’re taking responsibility for your part, then I have to as well. Truth is, I kept my concerns to myself and didn’t allow you to be there for me. I didn’t let you be MY safe place, so how could I expect you to let me be yours.” She nodded in understanding. “I also have to accept my role in you feeling the pressure to be perfect.” April’s face contorted in confusion. “Earlier today, I thought I understood what was going on with us, but I was holding you to a different standard. I allowed myself to make mistakes, but I didn’t allow you to make any.”

“Ethan what are you talking about?”

“Vicki.” Immediately, April’s breathing staggered and she sat down again. “Maggie pointed out while I was with Vicki, I kissed you- someone who wasn’t my girlfriend, and stayed with Vicki months afterwards and never said a word. I’d given myself a pass, but I didn’t give you one.” He sat down again, moving his chair closer to her. “You told me as soon as you could, even though you expected me to end it. So, whose actions are unforgiveable? I’d have to say mine.” A tear began to trickle down his cheek.

April tenderly wiped the tear away with her finger. “Look Ethan, we’ve both made mistakes and need forgiveness. But I don’t want you to change. I love your perseverance and how you can make things happen. We just need to leave some room to grow and change, to make those honest mistakes and know forgiveness is an option. We’ve got to be willing to fight it out, like we said we would.” Ethan’s eyebrow rose in sarcasm. “And that’s to me too. So, what do you want to do? Break up?” she asked dropping her head.

“NO!” he affirmed lifting her chin. “But I must say it makes me wonder if we should. Is love supposed to be this hard? We’ve been through so much and worked so hard to get to this point. I don’t want to live without you, but I’m not sure that’s good for you.” Before she could say anything, Ethan kissed her as if it was their first kiss. “April, can we start over?”

“No,” she answered immediately. Ethan’s grip loosened on her waist, but April stopped his hands from moving. “I don’t want to start over. I think we’ve built a good foundation, but we must keep building upon it. You know, we both got so consumed with having kids, we forgot to focus on us. We can’t be an afterthought.”

“I agree.”

“Ok,” she smiled and then her face became serious. “So, do you think you can forgive me?” Ethan went to speak, but she was quicker. “Wait, really think about this, because once you say you’ve chosen to forgive me, it’s over. You can’t throw it in my face later.”

“Yes, I forgive you. Can you forgive me?” 

“Forgiven,” she answered as she nuzzled her head into his neck, wrapping her arms around him. “So, what do you need me to do to earn your trust again?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he quickly answered reveling the feel of her in his arms and her scent in his lungs.

April knew they were going to have to face these hurdles head on. “Ok. So, how do you feel about me continuing to work with Crockett?”

Dr. Choi’s jaw tightened, and eyes narrowed. “Honestly, I don’t like it. I don’t trust that bastard,” he answered with disdain dripping from his lips.

“Honey, you just have to trust me.”

“I do trust you, but I don’t trust him.” Exacerbated, she moved out of his arms and stepped to the railing. “What? I said I trust you.”

“Ethan, if you really trusted me, you wouldn’t care what Crockett did, because you know I wouldn’t allow anything to happen.” He kept shaking his head saying that wasn’t true. “Fine. Let’s say you were assigned to work with Vicki, and I told you I trust you, but I don’t trust her. Would you feel like I really trusted you?” 

Choi had to admit, she made a point. It gives the impression, he’d be deceived or would betray her. “Point taken. Ok. If I’m honest, I’d prefer you didn’t work with him. I don’t trust Crockett, but I also don’t trust, that if we hit another rocky spot, you won’t run to him again. I’m your partner, your TEAM, but I feel like we lost sight of that, which isn’t just your fault. But sharing my fears, I’m scared if you continue working with him, I’ll be whining every day about how I was afraid something could happen between you two.” He blew out a frustrated breath. “But I’ll just have to deal with it.”

“Well, actually you don’t. The Charge Nurse at Mercy is leaving. They offered it to me again. So, if I take it, I’d start in a month.”

“That means we’d be apart.”

“Yes, but right now, I’m the center of this problem. If I leave, you don’t have to concern yourself with Crockett’s intentions. We both can continue our career paths, and our relationship can have the time needed to heal.” He wondered- heal? “Look, it’d be arrogant of me to say to you ‘I’m gonna do this and because I did you have to trust me again’. It must be about what you need, not what’s comfortable for me. I’ll miss working with you and the team, but you’re more important to me,” she declared.

“What about other departments?” Choi inquired.

“Doc, most don’t have room for a Charge or Scrub nurse, so I’d be demoted. I mean, I love you, but as you said, I’ve worked hard to move my career along and I don’t want to lose that.” He nodded in agreement. “So, it’s settled. I’ll go to Mercy,” she smiled rubbing his cheek.

After a few stolen kisses and firm caresses, Ethan felt himself getting excited. His life was whole again and his joy had returned. “Are you ready to come home?”

Once again April skirted out of his embrace, turning away to gain some strength from the view. “Sorry, I don’t think I should, right now.” His stomach seemed to hear what his mind couldn’t decode. Did she just say she wasn’t coming home? “Ethan,” her voice begged as she took his hands in hers, “listen to me. I really want to come home, but I think we need to take this time to rebuild and help us learn how to be with each other without unrealistic standards. You know, loving each other through mistakes with forgiveness, with BOTH of us knowing we’re not leaving!” At this, she placed his hands on her lower back. “I’m not running anymore. I’m choosing to trust you, and I’m afraid if we don’t implement the things, we need to allow some light in this relationship, I’m going to be a crying heap of flesh and bones. So, let’s date and learn these parts of us that we kept hidden… so we can be the TEAM we always envisioned ourselves to be.” Ethan grinned and nodded. “Agreed Sailor?”

“Sounds like a plan,” he agreed, breathing easier at the thought of a fulfilling future with the love of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to show Chexton have a REAL-LIFE conversation and show a realistic way of working through problems. It hurts to watch how the Med writers will often settle for the stupid drama, as if people can’t comprehend realistic relationships. And with the preview coming of Ethan hitting Crockett, I find myself growing more disappointed. Hopefully, I can get this completed before Wednesday, because if they do what I think they will do, I’m afraid I will be too upset to finish this.


	14. Because It's You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan and April initially decided to work through their issues, but their decision creates unexpected consequences that substantially affect their lives… together and separately.

As he waited for Ms. Goodwin’s arrival, Ethan replayed what just happened. Since he and April talked things out, they’d been doing well; which was making this final month at Med together bearable. However, this week, Maggie was on her honeymoon (finally) and several patients came in with critical surgeries. This meant April couldn’t get out of working with Crockett. As a result, most of his and April’s dates were postponed and she and Marcel had to spend time together prepping. So, in an effort to stay professional, Choi would focus on the fact that she only had 2 more weeks before he wouldn’t have to worry about April being around this sneaky doctor. But today, Ethan wasn’t able to ignore his intuition and when the cajun doc approached, he unleashed his wrath. 

“Dr. Choi?” Ethan recognized the voice, but it wasn’t Ms. Goodwin.

“Dr. Charles? What are… ugh, I was expecting Ms. Goodwin.”

“Yes, I know, but I volunteered to speak with you first.”   
Ethan assumed Dr. Charles thought his outburst was a PTSD episode. “Oh well, he’s going to be disappointed,” Choi thought to himself.

“So, Ethan,” Charles began, sitting across from him, “can you tell me what happened out there today? Why you punched Dr. Marcel?” Ethan rubbed his head and took a deep breath.

“Sure, I can tell you.” He summarized the situation between him and April- her moving out, the talk, the decision to change jobs, and them dating again to get reacquainted in a realistic manner.

“Sounds good. Positive progress. Ok, go on.”

“Well, I’m obviously uncomfortable with her having to work closely with him, but I didn’t have to deal with it until this week. Then, when I was looking for her, I found them in the hybrid room preparing for a surgery.” Charles looked at Ethan suspiciously, because his explanation didn’t seem to warrant the assault. “But when I saw him so close to her, I remembered what she told me and I walked away, fuming.”

“Ok. I can see how that would be difficult to see, knowing what you two are working through. But what did you remember?” Choi looked confused. “You said you remembered what she told you. What did she tell you?”

Immediately the conversation replayed in his mind. “Since we’ve been trying to be more open about our feelings and fears, I asked her about their friendship and if there had been any other incidents between them. She told me they were friendly, nothing serious, but when we’d fight or she was feeling pressured, he’d ask after her. She told me at times he’d flirt and one time he tried to kiss her, but she rebuffed him; it WAS when she felt like I was obsessing about getting pregnant.” Dr. Charles nodded, encouraging him to continue.   
“But the fact he tried to kiss her before, knowing she was in a relationship, and then always being a confidante and asking about her, makes me know he had an agenda!”

“Ok, but how do you know? Maybe he just cared about his friend. Maybe he didn’t know you two were in a relationship.”

“Everyone knows! And we’re men. We don’t try to kiss a woman, who’s in a relationship, unless we’re making plans. So, when she confided in him, it was easy to see where he could take advantage.” Charles took notes.

“But Ethan, you already said you understood your role in this and her eventually kissing him. So, why did you hit him today?”

He inhaled deeply to slow his speeding heartrate. “After seeing them so close, she came to let me know nothing was happening and that it wouldn’t be much longer. But after she went back in the hybrid room, Crockett barges out coming straight for me. He insinuated I don’t trust April and that if I can’t treat her better, then I don’t deserve her. I told him to leave me alone, because it’s wasn’t a good idea for him to be in my face. He wouldn’t leave and demanded me to tell what my problem was with him. I told him again to get out of my face and then he pushed me. My reaction was to punch him! And while he was wiping the blood off his mouth, I told him April told me how he’d tried to kiss her and that I wasn’t fooled by his ‘good guy’ act. I knew he was trying to take my girl and I wasn’t gonna stand by and let it happen. He said he couldn’t take what didn’t want to be taken, but before I could hit him again, Will got between us. That’s what happened!”

“Ok. So, you hit him because he pushed you. Correct?” Ethan nodded. “Well, I can accept that, but I heard you almost attacked him in the ICU a few weeks back, so though this time was provoked, I’m not sure what Sharon will do. However, let me speak with her first.” Ethan nodded. “I’ll recommend you take some anger management classes or at the very least start sessions with me again, because you’ve got to do a better job at handling your anger and fear.” Ethan didn’t want to hear that, but sessions with him would be better, so again Ethan just nodded.

Last week Ethan gave April her key back, but after today’s angry display, she thought it best to ring the doorbell. Her lover’s face said it all- he was angry at himself… and her (though she was sure he’d never admit it). The way he recoiled from her reiterated her sentiment. “Babe,” she started following him to the couch, “what happened today?”

“I don’t like him all over you. So, when he pushed me, I hit him.” She was shocked.

“He pushed you? Why would he do that? And why were you so upset? You know that I still have to work with him while I’m at Med. It isn’t my fault Maggie’s gone and we got surgeries.”

“No, but it IS your fault that you kissed him!” His anger was palpable and she began to wonder if he’d ever be able to get over it. 

Exacerbated with this conversation, April tried to approach it calmly and accept responsibility. “Ethan, I know I was the one who broke trust. I get it. I’m sincerely sorry and I’ve asked for your forgiveness. I’m willingly leaving a job I love, because I love you more… but I don’t know what else I can do.”

“I know. I know. I just can’t stop thinking about him kissing you. And the fact is he’s trying to break us up infuriates me!”

“What?” she asked confused. “Why do you think he’s trying to break us up?”

“He knew we were together and still tried to kiss you. So, it’s not hard to believe that he’s positioning himself as the antithesis to me- the understanding man in your life, while I’m the obsessive, rigid dude who’s trying to change you. It just makes me so mad!”

“I didn’t think about it like that,” she paused, “but what he does doesn’t matter. Truth is, this is about me and you. You’ve got to decide if you really want to make this work.” Ethan’s head snapped to look at her. “Look, I’m going to Mercy to give us time to heal, rebuild, and give us space from him and this situation. But it can’t be the answer. There’s no possible way I’ll be able to avoid working with men, so you have to decide if you’re willing to trust me again.”

“I’m trying, but its hard to not feel betrayed,” he responded. April dropped her head defeated.

“I understand, really I do. But I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m not trusted and you shouldn’t want to be with someone you don’t trust. I’m your partner and I’ll fight beside you as long as you want. But I won’t put myself in a position to be your emotional punching bag. I’m willing to put in the work to regain your trust. But if you won’t ever trust me again, what’s the use?” she inquired wiping away tears. “It’s up to you. Just be honest with yourself, and tell me what you want to do. I’m going back to Jessica’s,” she stated laying his key on the counter. “I love you Ethan, and always will, no matter what you decide.” The sound of the closed door echoed in his ears.

“April?” the voice broke her daydream, as she faced her nurse. “Maggie said he’s on his way.” She took a deep breath, thanking her for the update. He hadn’t missed any of their appointments, but Crockett had been seeing a lot more cases, so he was busier than normal. She laid back, while Dr. Grant scanned her belly, the heartbeats bouncing off the walls and giving her a smile full of joy and satisfaction. 

The last 9 months had been a rollercoaster of sorts in her life. She lost the greatest love of her life and then built the best relationship she ever could’ve imagined. Even when new work opportunities kept coming, her relationship thrived. Then she was told IVF was no longer an option, but ended up getting pregnant naturally. And shortly after, they received the most incredible news…- twins! There they were, their son and daughter. Two little bundles of joy, holding each other’s hands.

“Do you want pictures for him?”

April had to get back to work. “Yes please. I’ll show him when I get home. Can I get a recording of the heartbeats too?” The nurse left the office elated at the thought of the future she never thought would be. She exited the ED, being told he was still in surgery with Dr. Latham, and looked forward to showing him their twins later tonight.

As she completed her last update, April’s newest nurse- Sheila, ran up to her out of breath. “April, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. He said he was worried since you weren’t answering your phone.” April hadn’t realized her ringer was off, but his concern made her smile. He adored her. She chuckled to herself… it was no wonder she got pregnant so quickly.

“Thanks Shei. I’m on my way down.” As the elevator opened, April could see her man… standing so strong at the desk. 

The woman’s hands reached up and covered his eyes like a blindfold. “Um, excuse me. I’m waiting for my girlfriend.” He could smell her lotion and knew it was April. He loved how playful they were… it was actually fun to be in love. “Please unhand me.” April laughed and her smile luminated with love.

“Hey Doc. Whatcha doing here?” she asked.

“Well, since I missed our appointment today, I figured the least I could do was give you a ride home.”

“Babe, I drove to work today.”

“I know, but you don’t have to drive home tonight. We’re gonna pick up some noodles and you’re gonna put your feet up, while our Bean and Pea, play with their dad.” His happiness was palpable and she could never deny him when he smiled like that.

“As long as I get some of your cajun shrimp, I’m good with that,” she replied as she sweetly kissed his lips. The doctor picked up her bag, leading her out.

“Goodnight guys!” April shouted to her team.

“Goodnight April! You too Dr. Choi.” The couple waved as they left to start their relaxing night.

April stretched to change her position, trying to maintain the relaxation Ethan blessed her with a short while ago. She’d been able to enjoy her noodles and tea, but now the babies were awake and decided to play; which, of course makes her uncomfortable- especially now they’re bigger. “Babe, can you bring me some ginger-ale?” Ethan hands her the glass.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, your kids have decided to play, instead of letting their mommy relax a little longer,” she answered smiling. Ethan’s dimples were on full display as he knelt in front of her belly. After several minutes of telling them all the things he can’t wait to do with them once they arrive, he rose with a question.

“Ok. Have you given any thought to their names yet? I mean, I’m good with calling them Bean and Pea, but that should only be for us.” April agreed and asked if he had any preferences. Ethan explained he’d like to try finding a way that all of them could share the same initials, if possible. 

“Well my initials are EAC, so maybe we could have their names be an ‘E’ for me, an ‘A’ for you, and then ‘C’ for us?” She smiled thinking that he and their kids would have the same initials.

Resting her eyes and rubbing her belly April responded. “Sounds good. I think the kids should have Choi as their last name.”

“Well what about you?” Her eyes opened suddenly at his question, only to find him kneeling with a ring in front of her. “April, you’re the love of my life. You’re the person who brings me the most joy and at times gives me the worst pain, I’ve ever had.” She winced at this statement. “But,” he paused, “the times we’ve been apart couldn’t possibly be worse than what my life would’ve been without you in it. I’m making a life with my best friend, my lover, my confidante, and my safe place. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Why? Because it’s you.” Tears of joy streamed down her face as she gently stroked her kicking babies. “So, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” But before she could answer, he continued. “And just so you know, I met with your parents and asked for permission a while ago, but confirmed again once we found out we were pregnant. They gave their blessing.” He didn’t imagine April’s smile could get any bigger, but it did.

“Ethan, I love you so much,” she stated as tears continued to flow.

“Is that a yes?” he asked nervously.

“Yes!” she responded with a big kiss, and letting him feel the apparent approval of the rest of their team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed some aspects of this chapter to include some of the promotional scenes for Med episode 5x19.  
Hope you enjoy.
> 
> And an epilogue is coming.... soon.


	15. Epilogue: PRICELESS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey of their love comes to a blissful end.

The salt on the gentle breeze, coupled with the soft caress of the waves on the sand, reiterated to April why it was called paradise. The early rays of sun light casting a rose gold hue across the sky… not to mention the best chai tea latte she ever had- yes it was Heaven. She found her mind drifting to all the wonderful changes of the last year, especially once the twins were born. And to top it all off, finally getting a honeymoon… with her hubby in this earth-bound heaven… it was worth everything they went through. 

“Well hey, good morning. I didn’t expect to see you up so early.” 

The voice startled her, but their smiles gave her peace. “Hi Steve, Hi Catherine,” she replied bashfully. “I didn’t realize anyone else was up. Sorry for intruding, but it’s the first time in a long while I could enjoy a quiet sunrise.” April began to rise, but was stopped by Steve. 

“You aren’t intruding. We like to swim sometimes, instead of a morning run,” he smiled. “I’m just surprised Choi isn’t up too.”

“Well, normally Ethan tries to let me sleep as much as possible, especially when I was nursing, but even now I think he takes on too much and wears himself down.” Catherine nodded in understanding. “So, he was sleeping so good, I thought I’d just let him finally get some rest.”

“I get it. Steve is the same way,” Catherine replied understandably, as Steve went to get them some water. “I swear, he always takes on more than is necessary, if he thinks it’ll keep his wife from overdoing it.”

“That’s what husbands do, dear,” he stated sarcastically as he handed her a bottle chuckling.

“Well I guess you do,” April agreed. “I just hope he’s up before I call the kids.” The McGarretts looked confused. “Oh, I’m not waking him up to speak to them, when he hasn’t slept this well in months. We’ll speak to them again this evening.” Steve tried to argue the husband point of view, but April shut him down. “If he wants to be mad because I chose to take care of him for once, he’ll just have to deal with it.”

High-fiving April in solidarity, Catherine asked, “When are you planning to call? You have set times?”

“Yeah. When they first wake up, they’re somewhat unruly… or as Ethan would say ‘They don’t comply’. It’s like waking up is new for them each morning, so they immediately want to see and get into everything they can, despite you trying to get them cleaned, changed, and fed. But by lunch time, they seem to go with the flow, so we call at noon- less baby wrangling,” she answered giggling.

“I wish we could’ve made it to the wedding, or at least the christening, but the doctor wasn’t sure it’d be safe. And as you mentioned earlier,” she continued with some sarcasm in her tone, “our husbands tend to go overboard when they think they’ve got to protect us.”

“Cath, the crash broke your pelvis! So no, we weren’t trying to fly anywhere,” Steve responded forcefully. 

Shrugging off his concern, Catherine rubbed his cheek, reassuring him he didn’t have to keep worrying- she was good now. “Well do you have pics of the kids? Steve showed me some pics Ethan texted when they were born, but nothing since.”

“Of course, we do,” the voice answered entering the room. “We even have a video of the christening for you.” Catherine excitedly raised up to prepare to watch the video, but Ethan stopped her. After receiving a confirming nod from April, he continued. “But first my wife and I have a question to ask?”

Steve and Catherine looked puzzled, as they waited patiently for them to speak. “Well, if I’m honest, you two are the reason why Ethan and I ever tried to make it work again.”

“You were the reason I even thought it possible for two strong people to love and respect each other, and fight together through life,” Ethan paused. 

“And from what I understand Steve, you were one of the reasons why he even considered going forward after my mistake.” Tears began to well up in April’s eyes, as she leaned forward to take Steve’s hand. “For which I can’t thank you enough.”

“So,” Ethan continued, “we were wondering if you’d be our children’s god parents?”

Steve McGarrett’s face became serious as he drew back from the table, giving the impression he wasn’t willing to accept the role in their babies’ lives. But instantly, his eyes softened with a huge smile, and he was hugging Ethan saying yes. April looked to Catherine who just smiled and nodded, before hugging her. They were so appreciative of the honor.

“Thank you so much. I know you don’t know me that well,” April began, “but you’re like family to Ethan and as I said I owe you my life. So, I couldn’t think of any better people to be there for my kids throughout their lives.” The couples embraced, expressing their appreciation for each other and the honors bestowed until the alarm went off.

Choi grinned, “Are you two ready to meet your god children?” Catherine and Steve shouted yes in unison and April made the call.

“Hi Mami! Are they up?” Suddenly the most beautiful children appeared on the screen and the McGarretts gasped for air. They were the best combination of both of them; although April’s genes seem to be more prominent. Both had loose curly hair; “doe” almond shaped eyes; and big smiles. However, they both favored more of Ethan’s coloring, when it’s tanned, and his dimples. According to their father, he wished they’d look and act like their mother- to which April said he only got some of what he wished for, because they’re both standoff-ish until they can trust you… just like their daddy.

“Oh, my goodness,” she whispered, “they’re beautiful.” Steve agreed, reaching to touch them through the screen. 

“Let me introduce you,” Ethan paused. “Mom, let’s talk to Bean first.” Mrs. Sexton placed her grandson on her lap facing the tablet. “Hey Bean,” his parents chimed, “are you behaving for Nana?” The little boy just kicked his legs, grinning and showing off his father’s dimples. “Elijah, this is your Uncle Steve and Auntie Catherine. Say hi.” As the couple waved, their godson began to reach for them smiling and giggling.

“I think he likes you,” April softly stated, gently nudging Cath’s shoulder. April and Ethan told their son they loved them; they’d be home soon; and one day they’d bring them to visit Hawaii; which made Elijah clap and kick with glee. Mrs. Sexton placed Elijah down with his cup, and then let her granddaughter have a turn. As soon as she saw her parents, she smiled and began reaching for them. 

“Hi sweet pea,” Ethan shouted. “Are you being a good girl for Nana?” The little girl leaned back, hands on her chest, with a mischievous grin.

“That means no,” April giggled. “Has she been riling him up, ma?”

Mrs. Sexton just huffed “You know your daughter… just like her mother,” she chuckled.

“Whatever ma,” April giggled. “Anyway. Elena,” the little girl sat up at hearing her mother’s voice, “this is Tio Steve and Tia Catherine. Can you say hi?” And with smiling eyes, and her father’s dimples, the little girl blew kisses at the waving couple. The Chois and McGarretts spent several more minutes talking to and catching up with the twins (and all their shenanigans), before hanging up.

“Wow Choi! Your family is beautiful.” 

“Thanks man. I never thought I’d have anything close, but I’m grateful I do.” The men sat down, joining the women’s conversation. 

“I’m happy for you Doc. And your kids seem so alert and smart. Are they further along than most 9-month olds?”

“Their pediatrician says they’re moving faster, especially since they’re already taking a few steps,” April answered Steve.

“Well, maybe next summer they can come and stay for a couple of weeks and I’ll teach them how to swim and surf!” The elation in Steve’s voice made the entire table laugh out loud.

“We’ll work on that,” Choi chuckled looking at April. “You think your parents would give up their estate in Brazil to buy something in Hawaii? That way we could visit everyone in one big swoop.” His wife’s raucous laughter echoed at the absurdity of the question. “Well Steve, as I said, we’ll work on it.”

[Three Years Later]

Embraced by the intoxicating smells of the tropical flowers and the lush beauty of the Hawaiian landscape before them, Ethan faced his wife. “April, I know loving me hasn’t always been easy. I know I’ve made mistakes, but loving you has made me better. And since they came,” he paused looking down seeing their children and godparents in the lagoon below, “I’ve been learning so much more and I’m better than I’ve ever been.” Pulling her into his arms, he kissed her gently. “Although I’ll never understand why you love me… Thank you.”

April smiled, rubbing his cheek. “They’ve made us both better, “ she responded observing her children learning to swim from Steve and Catherine. “And though I haven’t always deserved it, you gave me forgiveness, so Ethan, it’s easy to love you. But as to why? Well, I told you- Because It’s you.”

And with that, the couple joined the happy scene below, knowing it was all worth the cost… PRICELESS!

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have greatly enjoyed writing this fiction, and even more appreciated how many of you have enjoyed it too.   
I appreciate the comments and kudos.  
Though we haven't always liked how the Med writers have positioned our favorite couple, I am just happy they still have a chance (though I am still NOT HAPPY with them).
> 
> Please let me know what you think. Was it a good enough ending?

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been a multi-chapter fiction that I have been trying to get out for some time. Ethan and April will have to go through some things (shown on the show and some not) to find their way back to each other. But also to find a way to STAY together.  
I finally got a handle on where and how I could write the story, so I hope everyone likes it. Please comment, as I appreciate the feedback.


End file.
